Jigsaw (NaNoWriMo13)

Thirteen

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With shaking legs and a sharp pain blooming across my chest, I stumble back into my flat. The room is whirling and I feel as if I am about to be tipped into the gaping maw of an unfathomable ocean. I slide down the wall and put my head in my hands. Who would write such filth? Who would so willingly wish me dead, when they don't even know me? My hands clench into fists, entangling thin wispy locks of my hair, but I don't care.

The true revulsion of those words are ingrained into my brain, taking up space and leaving little room for rational thought. A sudden thought occurs to me. Oh, God. Evan is going to see this! He's going to take one look at the evil words daubed on my front door and run a mile. I can't let that happen. Not now.

Breathing coming under control, I stagger to my feet and look wildly around the room. Nothing seems out of place. In fact, it seems almost too clean and tidy to be true. It occurs to me that someone could have been in my flat while I was out. The thought sends a cold shiver through me.

My eyes slide to the clock, and I realise that I have but five minutes to get out of my flat and downstairs before Evan arrives. If he sees those words... Well, I don't even want to think about it. I shudder and slam my door shut, making sure to lock it. I stubbornly ignore the words that are burning holes in my mind as I hurry down the corridor and down the stairs.

I can't see Evan as I stand outside, arms clutched tight to my body, snuggled deeply within the confines of Evans jacket. It is almost as if, wearing this, makes me feel safe, like Evan is here with me, and is holding me in his arms. Despite that thought, I can't stop myself from putting my back against the wall and looking up and down the street.

It is pretty much deserted. Some kids play on their bikes outside the house opposite me, their high pitched squeals of excitement drifting over to me. The occasional car rumbles past, rattling slightly on the potholed roads. I am jumpy, on edge and Evans absence is doing nothing to calm my rattled nerves. A quick glance at my phone tells me that he's already ten minutes late.

What if he isn't coming? Or what if something's happened to him? Oh, God. If something happens to Evan, I would never be able to live with myself. Where is he? Why isn't he here yet? Maybe he has got sick of me, or maybe he just forgot?

“Lily!” I scream loudly and whirl around, arms raised as I prepare to face my attack.

I am beyond mortification as I come to face Evan who is fighting a smile. I close my eyes and sigh with relief. He frowns down at me, concern suddenly written all over his face. “Lily, are you okay?” he asks, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I resist the urge to shrug it off. I am on alert, and jittery, Evans hand, for the first time ever, feels constricting instead of comforting. Shakily I nod and accept the second Lily – black this time and bring it to my nose. The sweet, light scent clings to my nose and helps to calm me slightly.

“I'm fine, just cold.” I say, and it's part true, despite Evans thick jacket that still hangs on my body, I can feel the bitter wind nipping at my exposed skin.

“Well... Okay then, if you're sure. Shall we go then?” Evan says uncertainly, extending a hand for me to take.

I put the lily behind my ear and gratefully take his outstretched hand, feeling myself become grounded as our skin makes contact. I almost sigh in relief but manage to stop myself. He would definitely know something's up then!

“I see you're still wearing my jacket,” Evan says smirking down at me as I snuggle further into the thick woollen folds.

Feelings quite flustered, I shrug and throw him an uneasy smile. “ Well, it's warm,” I defend myself, voice going squeaky as I fight a sudden giggle.