Jigsaw (NaNoWriMo13)

Seventeen

Woo hoo! 60,000 words! Thanks as always for the votes, reads, and comments! If you liked it, please keep voting and commenting (and reading obviously), I love you all! Oh and dedication to JodieLou30 for being my best friend and loving Jigsaw! :') 

I was so totally wrong.

Things could get more perfect. Watching Evan cooking pizza, humming gently to the music while he wears my floral apron, I can't help the small, funny feeling that develops somewhere between my chest and my lungs. I just sit at the table, a small grin on my face as he moves through my kitchen with a natural ease.

It's like he belongs here. He has a length of tinsel tied around his neck like a scarf and glitter litters his hair, but I choose not to tell him that. Instead, I just smile him, with a big smile ballooning over my face. It's just started to snow outside, but Evan has found an old, clunky heater that had been tucked away at the back of my airing cupboard, gathering dust. So it feels relatively warm and serene.

Evan catches me looking at him and throws me a breathtaking smile. My lungs just about freeze and I give him a shy smile in return. He opens the oven and the expected haze of heat hits me, along with the mouthwatering scent of garlic and tomato. My stomach rumbles and Evan laughs loudly.

“Hungry, Lily?” he asks, setting the pizza on a plate and cutting it into small bites.

Maybe he'll feed it to me.

I blink away that thought, blushing at the idea.

Not that it isn't a nice idea.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Evans hand waves within my vision and I blink in alarm.

I feel my face heating up as I catch sight of Evan hovering awkwardly in front of me, a plate in each hand. “Um, sorry. I was miles away.” I say, chewing anxiously on my nails.

I suddenly don't know what to say to him. Today has been so magical. And now, that we aren't stuffing ourselves with food, telling each other cheesy jokes or decorating the flat with glittery decorations, it feels kind of... Dare I say it? Awkward. It seems that the conversation the night before, when Evan confessed that he loved me has left an elephant in the room that needs to be addressed.

But he doesn't love you...

There goes that stupid voice in my head again. Yes, it's true that Evan said that he spat out those words out of anger or to get me to listen. But I can't get the sight of the passion in his eyes, of the way his stance was wide open, of how he looked almost vulnerable as he said it. But then why would he say that he didn't mean it if he really loved me? There are so many things about Evan that confuse me, he's an conundrum to be solved, and I don't think I can ever rest until it all falls into place.

It still feels like there is something between us. I don't quite know what it is, but it something almost tangible, something that needs to be addressed. There I go again, confusing myself with my thoughts. My head is starting to hurt from the rushing thoughts. “Lily?”

I jump and look up at Evan. He is frowning in concern and I almost smile. “Are you okay?” he says cautiously, the plates still in his hands.

“Sorry. Got a headache,” I say.

And it's true. I really do have a headache. There is a gentle, but sharp pounding somewhere behind my temples. Probably from over-thinking but I won't be telling Evan that. He sets the plates down on the table and comes to stand behind me. I shiver and try to turn to face him, but he rests his hands on my shoulders.

“Turn around, I want to try something.” he says soothingly.

I don't tell him that his voice does funny things to my insides, I just relax into my chair. Evans hands find my head and he gently tilts it back so that my head is resting against him. The top of my head rests somewhere against his bellybutton and I can feel the gentle rhythm of his breathing. I let my eyes flutter closed on instinct. His fingers start to gently massage my temples and I feel my breathing relax.