Jigsaw (NaNoWriMo13)

Thirty-Seven (End)

Well. This is it! the end. It's been a remarkable ride and I couldn't have done it without all the amazing people who read and supported me. Big dedication to everyone who loved Lily and Evan's story.

 Evan reaches out to me, his fingers splayed against the small of my back. The warmth from his touch seeps through my thin t-shirt and I find myself mewling and burrowing into it like an overaffectionate kitten. It's been too long. Too long without Evan's touch, without his smile. My stomach tips and I sag into the pillows, tilting my head to look at him. He looks so tired. His eyes. Usually so full of life and mischief are dull and muddy, and his skin, still painted with the bruises from Dave's attack, is alabaster white against the slight flush in his cheeks. He bites his lip, just staring at me.

 “I'm sorry.”

 We both say it at the same time and share an appreciative chuckle. His forehead creases in the middle, a deep frown etched into his skin. I want to reach out to him, to return the warmth he is feeding into me. Instead, I clench my fists in my lap, feeling the puny beating of my heart against my rib cage.

 “You don't need to be sorry.” I say. Before Evan can come up with another word. “No let me speak,”

 I hold my head up, preventing Evan from saying another word. He sighs, and I fidget slightly before straightening up to face him. “I was out of order. I was so selfish, being completely absorbed in my own problems that I didn't even think of yours. I – I just – I thought you were okay. You just seem so closed and standoffish that I don't know how to react. And when Tiffany told me about this job,” I glance at Evan apologetically, but he isn't even looking at me, he is staring into the blank TV screen as if it will burst into life by pure will alone. “I was excited. Beyond excited, I thought that this was my first opportunity to make something of myself - to be more than Lily, Evans girlfriend. I wanted to be Miss Banks, English teacher. But I didn't think of you. I didn't realise that until you broke up with me.”

My voice catches at the end of the sentence. And it draws off into an uncertain lilt with the hint of a question still burning on my lips. Evan sighs, and looks at me, a slight smile painted on his lips.

His lips.

“I was wrong too. I overreacted and left you to deal with everything alone. But when I found out that you'd dealt with everything yourself, that you'd proven that you could do it, I was so proud. You're stronger than you think – you just chose not to show it most of the time. Those things I said – fuck, Lily. I feel so fucking guilty. The way your face,-” his face crumples and he leans forwards, putting his head in his hands.

I bite my lip. Carefully, slowly, I crawl towards him. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and pull him towards me, holding his head on my shoulder and fisting the soft locks of hair gently. His arms untangle and come to wrap around my waist, their warmth going straight to my heart. He shakes beneath my touch, and it is this that makes me realise just how vulnerable Evan really is. Those things he saw, his dad dying in front of him. and then getting attacked like that. It's all taken its toll and for some stupid fucking reason, I am the only one who can do it. I'm the only one who can heal him.

Perhaps the most broken people are the best healers.

He sits up after an age of us just laying there, holding each other. His eyes are red rimmed and slightly swollen but I pretend not to notice as he puts a hand on my chin, his thumb trailing up to fiddle with my bottom lip. My eyes flutter closed as he moves his hands to either side of my face, his thumbs massaging my cheeks.