Jigsaw (NaNoWriMo13)

Twenty-Three

Wow. This update is really late. I am so sorry! If you celebrate Christmas, I'd just love to wish you a happy holidays, and even if you don't! Please continue to vote, comment, follow and share if you liked it. Your continued support means the world to me! Much love!

 “Are you okay, Lily?”

My head is pillowed on Evans chest, my eyes are fluttering open and closed, constantly flickering around the darkening room. Every time I close my eyes, I see Tanya's icy blue eyes smirking back at me. I nod against his chest, playing with the stitching on the T-shirt that he has worn to bed. Since I arrived back from the mall with Tiffany, I felt on edge, as if Tanya and Dave were going to burst through the serene picture window and tear me apart. I felt Evan looking at me all through dinner, his gaze questioning and worried. But I resolutely ignored the stares and tried to ignore them.

It makes me think, watching Evans family joke around and tease each other, that I could have this, I could have it all. It is close, yet miles away. I can almost taste it, feel the soft sense of longing that it provides. I want it so much that it hurts, like a constant physical ache in the pit of my stomach.

“I'm fine,” I finally say when I feel Evan begin to get impatient beneath me.

Evan sighs and places his hand on the small of my back, gently rubbing. I feel myself lean further into his touch. “I don't believe that for a second, but I'll humour you.” he chuckles and his chest vibrates with then movement.

“Evan...” I finally say, a hint of desperation leaking into my voice. “What are we going to do about Tanya?”

Evan sighs heavily. I feel him lift his arm as if to run his hands through his hair, but then he lets it drop to my waist, “Do we have to talk about this now?” he asks harshly.

I pull away. Hurt. Evan sits up, frowning but I shuffle away from him when he tries to pull me closer. It's childish and petty and I feel weighed down with guilt at his stricken face but I stand my ground, fixing my eyes on a dark corner of the room.

“Well I'm sorry, but I thought you cared.” I put emphasis on the word 'cared' and I feel rather than see Evan wince.

“Look. It's Christmas, you're supposed to be enjoying yourself, not worrying about that....that-” Evan sighs, composes himself. “Tanya.”

I almost smile at his near miss. No matter what a person has done, I have never heard him speak ill of anyone. Well, except for Dave.

“It isn't as easy as that,” I say, voice trembling as something wobbles precariously within me. “You're not the one being stalked or threatened. You're not the one who gets threatening messages written on their wall. It's okay for you. You have your mum and Tiffany, I have no one,” my voice breaks but I continue. Now that I have started, I feel like I can't stop.

“You think life's all bloody roses for me? Are you actually that selfish? My dad died, Lily. You're not the only one who's ever lost someone, so stop acting like you are. And what do you mean you're being stalked?”

I am too busy reeling with hurt at what he has just said that I don't even register the last part of his sentence. “I'm sorry,” I whisper. “Because you talk about him so little, I tend to forget. I'm a selfish person, I'm sorry.” I make to climb out of bed.

I'll find Tiffany, ask her if there are any spare rooms available, and if that doesn't happen, I will sleep on the sofa. Evans arms loop around my waist, preventing me from moving.

“Would you just do as you're told and listen to me for once in your life?”

I huff and cross my arms across my chest, resolutely staying stiff in his arms. “Listen, Lily. We'll talk about Tanya after Christmas. But for now, please try to enjoy it?” Evans voice sounds so hurt that I find myself turning round to face him.