The Heart Wants What it Wants (Sequel to ILAC)

Chapter 45

James' POV 

Friday, February 12th. 

It was the next day. I was quite happy today since I talked to Jacky again, but once she told me she was Oscar it made me upset. I don't know if they are together or not, but if they are she made me second yet again. I know I'm not good enough for her. I sudden got a text message from an unknown number. I opened it and it saw it was a picture. Well it was actually two pictures. They were both of Oscar and Jacky kissing. First, who would know my number and second how would they know about me being in love with Jacky. I've had enough of being a second choice in everything a threw my phone to the wall and ran my hands threw my hair. 

I've never felt this way, why now? Well maybe because it's the second time Jacky has put me second. I walked into my room and looked under my mattress. I had hid a pack of cigarettes under there. They always help me when I'm feeling depressed. I locked my front door so Cristiano or anyone would bother me. I walked outside and light a cigarette up. No matter how hard I try to forget her I could never succeed. I sighed and threw the cigarette on the floor and stepped on it. I walked back inside and grabbed my car keys. I walked outside and saw Cristiano, the least person I wanted to see. I walked past him and ignored anything he said. I didn't know want to be questioned right now. 

Cristiano: James get back here!!

James: Can't you ever understand that I need my damn space, that I need to be alone! Don't you ever think that I just want to be alone!

Cristiano: You know every damn time I leave you alone you do something stupid! May I remind you that you aren't the brightest person right now!

James: So what if I'm not bright I don't fucking care! I don't want to see anyone I just want to be alone! (he yelled)

Cristiano: James you need to understand your damn brain isn't in a good place. You have to focus on getting better and recovering to do what you love to do!

James: You know what I am tired of everyone telling what I need to know! Don't you realize that I am not even getting better. I still smoke so? (he chuckled) 

Cristiano: You think this is funny? You're fucking stupid James. You know what I'm done I've try my hardest to help you recover. I don't care anymore you could die for all I care. 

That's where it hurt, when Cristiano said those words. I knew I didn't have to stay quiet but I didn't know what to say. I swallowed hard and looked at Cristiano. 

James: You know maybe I will! It would a lot of people happy if I did! 

I quickly got into my car before Cristiano could have said anything. I turned my car on and quickly pulled out of the driveway. I began to speed off before Cristiano tried. I continued to drive for a couple hours. I had no clue where I was going. I just wanted to be far from everyone and everything. I had kept driving at a fast speed. It started raining hard, but I didn't care. I continued to drive at the same speed. That's when I lost control of the wheel on a turn and crashed to a tree. Then I blacked out. 

Cristiano's POV

I couldn't believe what I had told James. I still couldn't believe what he had responded to me. I knew I fucked up bad. He looks up to me and for to say those things to him were bad to him. He already feels like shit with the whole situation of Jacky and now because of me. If anything happens to him it would be all my fault. I walked over to his porch and sat there on the steps hoping he would show up. I sighed I stayed there for about 2 hours and nothing. Maybe nothing bad happened I'll just get worried if tomorrow he doesn't show up. I decided to visit some of the guys and tell them what I did. I texted to meet me at my house and I quickly drove off there. Once I arrived home I saw some guys there. 

Sergio: What did you want to talk to us about? 

Cristiano: It's about James. 

Marcelo: What did this man do now!

Isco: Don't tell me he jumped out of another building. 

Cristiano: No, he didn't it's a long story so make yourself comfortable. Would you guys like something to drink?

Gareth: No, thanks just want to know what happened. 

Sergio: Just tell us. 

Cristiano: First James and I got into an argument. 

Marcelo: You got into an argument with James?! This is bad already. 

Isco: What was it about?

Cristiano: Let me tell you the rest of the story before you interrupt me! 

Marcelo: Fine.

Cristiano: Good, so I had decided to visit James like I do everyday and he seemed a little off. But anyways so we had an argument about how he wanted to be alone and that I kept bothering him. So I kinda got mad with him and said something that he shouldn't have heard in his state right now.  

Gareth: What did you say?! Don't tell me you made him feel worst?!

Cristiano: Well I kind of told him that I didn't care anymore that he could die for all I care.

Sergio: What the fuck?! Why would you say that to him or to anyone! 

Cristiano: I don't know. 

Marcelo: What did he responded? 

That's when I took a big sigh. I knew I had hurt James when I said what I said by his response. Now thinking about it. It made me upset to even think about, but the guys deserved to know. I looked at them and they continued to look at me. 

Cristiano: He said that maybe he will and that it would make people happy if he did. 

Isco: Oh my, you really fucked up. 

Gareth: Where is James? 

Cristiano: Here is the thing, I don't know. 

Gareth: What the fuck Cris! How do you let him leave in such a bad state! Something could happen to him. 

Cristiano: Don't you think I know that! If anything happens to him I know it would be my fault. 

I put my head in my hands and sighed. If something happens to James I will never be able to forgive myself for anything that happens to him. I just wish I could take those words I said to him maybe he would be with us. Maybe I should have let him have the space he wanted. Just maybe he would be here and not be were who knows where he is. 

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Do you think the guys will find out James? If they do how will Cristiano react to it? Do you think he will be upset? I updated again. Do you think James will get better anytime soon? Or will it take him a long time?