boyfriend ✧ joshler

.5.

"did she wear white at the wedding?" I asked while we were still twirling our fingers together in the air. his sheets were warm wrapped around my body resting against him, my leg lifted over abdomen.

"yeah." he responded unbothered by questions and still playing with my fingers, too.

"what was it like?" i continue to wonder to him.

"what? the wedding?"

"yeah, i've never been to one."

"it was," he paused, his chest sinking down with a release of a deep breath, "dark, and not in a color way, it was dark because it was wrong. she was so beautiful. she spent her life preparing for that day and she tried so hard and she loves me so much and i just- i just don't love her back." 

there was silence between us as we both, a slim layer of sadness between in the small distance between us that both made me want to back up and cuddle closer to him. 

"do you ever regret it? getting married to her." i pushed the boundaries and rolled my body closer against him as he let out a chuckle through his wonderful smile. 

"everyday." he sighed but his smile still showed through. 

josh had short finger nails, but that's okay because they didn't scratch me when i was playing with his hands. his breath smelt like mint, like he had just brushed his teeth but he hadn't because i was with him the entire night. 

out of the giggles of our mouths, he asked me a question this time, "what happened when you left, tyler?" 

i let out a loud sigh, moving my leg off of him and resting our hands down together preparing myself for a story i didn't want to tell, "my mom- she hates me. i know every teenager says their parents hate them but this is different, she's never around and when she is she's just terrible. so she had my brother when she was really young so she's always been against us doing anything and-"

"she found condoms in your room." he interrupted as he rolled over on his side with curious eyes. 

"yeah."  

"so, what's up with the scratch marks and the hand print you had at the door a few hours ago?" he continued to ask. 

"i called her a few things and she hit me so i called her a few more things and then jumped out of the window to land on some bushes and drive back here." i over simplified my story due to the lump in my throat i could feel growing bigger. 

"come on." he said yanking my hand and pulling me out of the bed and towards the bathroom. his hands were gripped around mine tightly but he was only slightly pulling me behind him. he stopped in front of the two sinks with the long mirror in front of it as he turned on the light. 

"what are you doing?" i asked as he pulled open one of the drawers and grabbed a bottle of rubbing alcohol, butterfly bandages, and neon colored cotton swabs. 

"you didn't say you cleaned those cuts." he and i both laughed as he turned me around and lifted off my shirt. i watched in the mirror as he took a few colored swabs out of the package and dipped them in the rubbing alcohol. 

i winced a little at the sting of the cotton against one of the scrapes on my back. josh immediately look it off of the open wound and blew a cool breath over it to calm the pain. i turned around to face him and smiled a little. 

"you know you have more cuts, right." he laughed showing his shining white teeth. 

"oh, yeah." i sigh laughing, too, and turned around before he washed another one of the cuts. 

"okay," josh finally said putting away the items back in the drawer, "you're all cleaned up." 

"thanks." i sighed awkwardly and headed back into the room tucking myself back up in the blankets. josh followed a minute later and moved next to me, gripping my thigh and pulling it over his abs with an evil grin on his face and a hot twinkle in his eyes. 

i grabbed the remote with the other hand that wasn't locked to his and turned on the tv for background noise. i scrolled through the channels before stopping at a harry potter movie, i was not paying attention to which one, and rolled back over to josh. 

"favorite food?" he asked brushing his fingers through my hair, his smile never seeming to fade that night. 

"tacos."

"french fries."

"favorite color?" i asked laughing at his last response. 

"blue." 

"red." 

"tyler?'

"yes, josh?" 

"how many people have you slept with?" and, suddenly the room was silent, no noise at all even though the tv was still playing and there were birds outside but it was still. i couldn't answer, i was actually having fun with josh, i was actually thinking i could have feelings with him and i knew that he wouldn't want to be with me ever again when he knew that dreaded number. 

"josh-" 

"look, it doesn't have to be a big deal just tell me." 

my heavy breath escaped to the entire room as his piercing eyes continued to look at me innocently, "i don't know." i lied avoiding looking at his perfectly structured face. 

"tyler." 

"josh, just drop it, you don't want to know." i started to get angry and i knew i did't have any right to because he had a right to know and it's my fault the number is the number it is but i was angry anyway.

"tyler, just tell me." and i could tell he started to get angry, too.

"i'm not sleeping with anyone else right now, isn't that all that matters?" i began to get louder, not necessarily yelling but i was getting close. 

"well it is a big deal now that you won't tell me." he started to yell before i could even get to that point. 

"no." i scream with my hands clenched around my own hair. 

wow do you guys remember when i said i was gonna try and update faster. oops lol. well anyway im probably not gonna be able to cuz school and teachers and im busy drinking bleach all the time but i will try to update lol

~rebecca