Resurgence (Life After Allegiant - Divergent Fanfiction)

Chapter Ten

I move my hand down to my stomach.  It explains a lot, why I got so frustrated in the past week trying to get some lead on my mystery terror of a brother.

I don’t dare look at Tobias even though I can feel his eyes searching my face. I think he knows the answer though. I’m scared that if our eyes will meet what I will do, the unanswerable and unknown.  Much like my second life, so many unknowns.

I imagine our baby, moving inside me, something inside me wrenches. I think it’s my heart.

“You are, aren’t you?” Tobias asks slowly. I didn’t think he needed an answer but maybe he needed certainty. He misses out the word pregnant, as if the word will send me into a fountain of tears. I nod in reply, not sure of my own emotions, not trusting them. “It’s ok, Tris. We’ll be fine.” He assures me and I’m grateful for his support. It’s like a shoulder to lean on.  I know I need to speak at some point, the longer I leave it the more Tobias is going to get worried about me. That’s the last thing I want right now.

But do I really know what I want?

Yes I do. I want to rid this world of Samuel Prior so my baby can be safe. So my baby doesn’t have to fear it’s life like I did. Or like I still do.

I stand up and Tobias copies my movements. He pulls me into him, but gentler than ever before. He strokes my hair and I nuzzle my head into his firm chest. He’s so soothing and comforting and he doesn’t even need to say a word. He is more powerful than anyone could think of at first glance.

“What if I’m no good at being a mom?” I ask, feeling like a child myself.

“You’ll be better than you could ever imagine.” He replies, and with those words some of my worries drift away, leaving me feeling lighter. All life outside seems to have stopped, it makes it seems peaceful, like the world has no worries either.

“But my parents were so good, how could I ever be half as good as they were?” The remembrance of my parents only hurts for a little while. Then the remembrance of them withholding the truth from us and our future hits me and the pain is numbed.

“Tris, don’t worry. You won’t be like them and that’s ok. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else. Because it’s only our baby that cares, and that baby already knows that you are the best mother anyone could ever with for.” Yet more weight is lifted, soon I’ll be floating. Maybe I’ll be flying, flying free.

I feel Tobias hand move from my back and across my body and lays to rest on my stomach, where our baby is. I know what I feel about the baby now, all I feel is love. A love so strong that I will already protect it with my life. I smile at him and place my hand on top of his. I know that when I feel the baby moving inside me I’ll be scared but I have Tobias here, holding my hand, with me all the time. Like I was with him going through his fear landscape when we were still in Dauntless.  I’m now glad that the factions are gone, I don’t want my child to have the stress of choosing their life, whether to leave us or go with their heart. I don’t want them to be like Caleb and have to hide their true self away from us. I want our baby to be free, no chains binding it.

“Thank you.” I whisper into his ear as I go onto my tip toes and kiss him, my arms wrapping around his neck, but his hand remains on my stomach, as if he’s already protecting the baby.

“I don’t know about you but I’m a little tired. Want to lie on the bed for a bit?” He asks, I’m not sure if he’s suggesting something else, but I agree anyway.  We walk hand in hand out of the bathroom and I take a look out of the big window which is our screen to the outside world from the living room.  I watch a group of birds swooping through the buildings, I watch clouds floating around with no real purpose, I watch people heading back to their homes, I watch cars dodging one another. So much life in such a city which seemed to inhabit only the dead.