Resurgence (Life After Allegiant - Divergent Fanfiction)

Chapter Twenty Nine

The words sink in slowly, like at first they’re not real. Marcus is dead. Dead. Now what?

“Stay here.” I order Anna whose face just look like a mixture of panic and confusion. She doesn’t respond but I can tell she heard me so I start to make my way to the stairs. As I put my foot onto the last step something stops me from moving, my body freezes and all I can think of is death. I look down; I can see Caleb lying on the floor, staring up at me. I can’t breathe, I try but air repels itself from me.  Panic buzzes around my veins like electric blood and my chest feels like it’s being squeezed violently. I attempt to move towards Caleb’s weak body but it’s impossible, my body is frozen to the core. He’s staring at me, tears at the corner of his eyes; he looks at me as if he’s disappointed in me. I can’t do anything. Why is he here? He’s dead too. Everyone is. Or they will be soon. Dead. My fault. All my fault.

I start to feel faint, air not wanting to go near me, I don’t blame it. In the corner of my eye I see Tobias emerge out of one of the rooms. He runs over to me, but still I can’t do anything.

“Tris? What’s wrong?” He asks but to me it’s just a mix of noises. “Tris?!” He shouts. He shakes me; the shake suddenly unfreezes me but doesn’t get rid of the smoke of panic surrounding me. I manage to raise my arm slightly to point out at Caleb’s form on the floor, right by his feet. Can he not see Caleb lying there?

“C….caleb…,” I whisper, “…..help……him.” Tobias looks to where I’m pointing but it just seems to confuse him more. Then realisation seems to set in his face.  He walks to face me straight on meaning I can’t look at Caleb anymore and can only look into his eyes. My body is still shaking violently from trying to breath.

“Tris, focus on breathing.” He tells me softly. “In. Out. In. Out.” I speak his words in my head; my body seems to understand them. The air starts to rush back into my lungs again, with every breath the smoke starts to push away. My eyes lock onto his and just stay there, the blue in them like flowing water. After a little while the smoke has gone and my breathing returns back to normal, Tobias steps back from in front of me so I can see where Caleb lay. But he’s not there.

“He was never there, was he?” I ask Tobias, he silently shakes his head in reply and I sink down to sit on the step. Putting my head in my hands, I try to push away every bad thought, every feeling of guilt and sadness. Tobias puts his hand on my shoulder then moves to sit next to me, lifting his arm to invite me into his warmth. I shuffle into him and just sit there breathing in his scent for a few minutes, gathering up the pieces in my mind.

Once I’m sure I’m going to be ok I say, “Are you ok?”

Tobias looks down and me and says, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” He always acts so strong, I wish it was a quality I had. He would never do anything like I just did.

“You know why.” He just shrugs. Exhausted, I don’t bother trying to pull his emotions out. I slap my hands on my thighs to signal that we need to move on to do something. “So what are we going to do?”

“How about I take Anna to our apartment or to my mother’s? And you just stay here, I’m not sure you’re fit to go anywhere.” He suggest, I can hear the tiredness in his voice and I realise we haven’t slept in so long. It’s probably not good for the baby. I feel a wave of guilt ride over me, I hadn’t thought of the baby in a while. But the guilt subsides when I feel it kick reassuringly.