Resurgence (Life After Allegiant - Divergent Fanfiction)

Chapter Eighteen

I can’t breathe.

This can’t be happening.

I just watched my life’s reason die in front of me, still holding onto me.

“You told me not to leave you but then you do it!” I say, accusing him. The pain has turned into anger; it’s easier for my body to process anger more than grief. I stop talking; stop making any noise at all as if waiting for him to reply. I haven’t registered what’s going on. I kiss his forehead and cry into his hand that dropped lame into the sheets. 

Suddenly a rush of doctors and nurses are busying around his body and I try to protect him by throwing myself on top of him. I notice that one of the nurses is the woman who was on the reception desk only a few minutes ago.  She has a strange looking machine in her hand, it looks like two boxes connected with a curly piece of thick wire and attached to a blue box saying “Warning. High Voltage.”  They’re going to shock him to life, what happens if it doesn’t work? I know the answer but asking it makes the real answer seem less probable even though it is certain.

“I might be easier to leave the room Miss.” Says a weak but trying to be strong woman’s voice behind me. I turn to see that I know her. It’s Myra. I haven’t seen her since she left the Dauntless compound with Edward, I’d sometimes questioned what happened to her. Good things, by the looks of thing. I wonder if she knows about Edward’s death and if so what her reaction was. But this isn’t the time to think about this, she seems to be taking charge of my fiancé’s attempted revival.  It seems like the serum didn’t make an effect and the small bit of hope that it would has vanished, now all my hope rests on two little boxes, I don’t have much hope they’ll work however.  “Tris?” She says as she walks in front of me. I nod in reply, not daring to speak. But I know I must if I want to stay here, I want to be the first person he sees if they somehow get him to breathe again.

“I’m staying here.” I’m surprised at the clearness in my voice.

“Ok, well please step back.” Myra asks me, my little bit of time with her as an initiate shows me she’s not the strongest person, not mentally, physically or emotionally. I have to trust her though. I realise I’m still practically on top of Tobias’ body so I get up and stand in the corner. It kills me as I know I can’t do anything myself.  Myra swings her blackish brown hair into a ponytail. “Defibrillators please.” She says, almost electronically. My breathing has become so erratic that I feel faint just watching.

“Clear.” Say the receptionist woman from earlier.

“Clear.” Myra repeats and the receptionist presses the little boxes into Tobias’ side and there’s a buzz and Tobias’ body jumps in the air. I’m shocked and I just want to tear the boxes away from the deranged woman, but I’m stopped by my own mind telling me if I do this then is no faith at all. I see the concern on all their faces and I know that the worst is going to come.

“Again.” Myra orders and no one else speaks, just nods. 

“Clear.” The receptionist says, her voice emotionless but slightly slurred.

“Clear.” Myra replies mechanically and the woman presses down again. But again it doesn’t work. I sink to the floor, with the aid of the wall. One of the nurses comes up to me as I hear the nurses and doctors talking among themselves.  I don’t look at him but I hear his footsteps are quiet, it’s relaxing, well as relaxing as it can get due to the situation. He bends down beside me and looks at me with such sympathetic eyes, he doesn’t say anything. It makes everything seem worse, the sympathy only makes me notice the reality of what is happening.  I feel numb, too upset to feel it anymore, I’m a void.  The man seems more like an old boy instead of a grown up, it should make me feel less secure about the people trying to revive Tobias but his naïve personality still shows a little. He obviously isn’t from Chicago originally; to see what we’ve seen destroys any innocence you could possibly have.