Loving You (A Josh Hutcherson FanFiction)

Part 10

The next few months go by in a blur, and now I'm here. Sitting in an airport, waiting for Josh's delayed flight. While he was shooting Mockingjay, there were rumors that him and his ex, Claudia Traisac, got back together. I refused to believe it... Until I saw the pictures. Her short, skin tight black dress, with Josh in a club, both clearly drunk. To say I'm upset is an understatement.

My depression is just now weakening from the loss of the baby, now I'm dealing with this. Our last Skype chat ended with us yelling and him cracking his computer. He told me to get $2,000 and leave, so I did. Now, I'm sitting here in LAX, waiting for someone who doesn't even know if I gave him a second thought. His flight was delayed, but now he is expected any second. I don't quite know what I want from him, maybe a simple answer to the question he refused to answer:

*Flashback*

"Why, Josh?" I ask him, "Why fly her the Atlanta  when you can fly me out? Am I not good enought for you all of a sudden? What was it?"

"If I explain, you'll hate me."

"I already hate you so an explanation won't change anything."

*End of flashback*

He hung up that day, never answered me again. I had already decided that if he can move on so fast, so should I. I just can't shake off the fact that he promised his love for me, only to break it within the first week he was away. The people I love always hurt me, so now I've come to the conclusion that it's best not to love anyone at all. I try... I try not to love him, I try to move on, but I've come to one hell of a conclusion to this: I can't. I can't not love him, I can't move on. My heart won't allow it.

Passengers begin flooding out of the gate... If I don't find him now, I might never speak to him again. At the very end of the line, I see him. I get up and sneak behind him, as planned, he doesn't notice me until we're by his car.

"Maddie?" He asks, "What do you want?"

"If you could just explain, it'd be a lifted burden. Please, just tell me why," I practically beg.

"We'll talk at your place," he says.

He follows me to my little crap hotel, it's nicer than a lot of people have around here, but it could be a million times better. Starbucks, sadly, does not pay as well as it seems.

I lead Josh up to my room, having to kick the door several times before it opens. The smell of smoke from my escape, engulfs my nose as I step in.

"You smoke?" Josh asks.

"It's my form of escape... Do you?" I ask in a slight whisper as I hold out a roll.

He nods and takes it, I get a few beers and plop down on the couch beside him. We just sit there for a while, taking in the silence, enjoying our last sane moments before the drugs and beer overcome our current states of mind.

When I feel a little tingly is when Josh finally decides to answer the question that has been lurking in my mind for a steady two months now.

"I felt broken... I know you did too, but when I'm broke, I need someone that's strong to help build me back up. I'm not saying you're weak, but at that time, we both were. Do I regret it? I don't know, my brain says no, but my heart says yes. I was just so lost and I knew she was in town, so that's who I went to."

I take a deep breath, which only makes me dizzier.

"Well, now what... I can't keep committing to love and then that person end up betraying me."

"I still love you, but I think it's best if we go separate ways for a while. Let our feelings calm down, then maybe later on, if it feels right, we can get back together."

I nod, agreeing with what he is saying. I know I should be mad, but the haze is messing with my thoughts. I drop the roll as I fall asleep, it burning my toes.

***

I wake up, in a bed that's not my own. I realize that it's Josh's guest room. My skin all over my legs is discolored and burning, what happened?

A moan escapes my lips from the pain and tears flow from my eyes. Josh walks in with a tube of medicine and sits on the bed beside me.

"What happened?" I ask him.

"The roll caught on fire, I was already gone and I got a call that your hotel was on fire," he answers.

I sigh as more tears come out of my eyes.

"You had third and second degree burns... They had to replace most of the skin, you've been out for almost a week," he says.

He grabs my hand, "You can stay here, as long as you need to."

I nod and relax into the pillow, somehow, once again, finding sleep.

This sleep was all but peaceful. The nightmares were worse, my dad, my aunt, all filling my dreams. I feel myself thrashing and hear my screams, but I can't get out of the world of terror. I only wake when I feel his arms wrap around me. I sob into his chest. At this moment, is when I realize I'm in love. I'm not falling out of my love for Josh.

*Josh's POV*

I lay in my bed, wondering who I am, why did I hurt that girl behind the wall? I was high, I was depressed, so we hooked up. It got very out of hand, but I can't say that I didn't enjoy it. It's nice to have a girl that doesn't depend on you, that doesn't need building up, every second of everyday.

I hear Maddie screaming and I try to ignore it, I have to let go. But I can't, I walk to the guest room and grab her, wrapping my arms around her the way I always used to, when we slept in the same bed. She lays her head on my chest and sobs, what I hate about this is that I made it worse. I hurt her after I promised I would always protect her.

I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for pushing her away. She came though, she was looking for you, a little voice says. I see hope. But this hope isn't strong enough. I think about how, if we wouldn't have lost the baby... Where would we be? Certainly not here, on the edge of breaking down and never speaking to each other again. As my own tears start to fall, I push Maddie away. I leave the room, not even slowing down as she says my name.