Let Me Put You In The Picture: Version 1

Chapter 169

                  

Maybe it was jet lag. Maybe it was a mix of things. But when we finally got home, I felt way under the weather.

            "Ya need soup." Liam suggested. "I'll make you some."

            It was nice to have him look after me although it definitely wasn't something I was used to. But he was so sweet and so thoughtful and he tried really hard to make me feel better.

            "Blue?" He said softly as I lay resting on the couch while he sat on the other end of it with my feet in his lap. "You sure you're not-"

            "No Liam." I cut him off quickly. "I'm not pregnant. I have the flu which you gave me."

            "No I didn't! I haven't even been sick."

            "Then what do you call what happened in Copenhagen?"

            "I had an hangover!" He replied. "Too much beer on the plane."

            "So you admit it then?" I grinned a little.

            It certainly was about time.

            "We should take ya to a doctor." He continued. "Get ya checked out. Make sure it's nothin' serious."

            "I'll be fine." I assured him. "It's probably just a twenty-four hour bug."

            And it was.

            Twenty-four hours later, I was back to normal and ready for my next interview while Liam was off to Pretty Green.

            The flat was quiet and my eyes felt sticky. I somehow managed to hold the tears back long enough to make it to Hampstead.

            My head was spinning and I couldn't fucking think straight.

            I was kidding myself in thinking things were better. That I was better. That we were better. That somehow everything was going to be okay.

You know that feeling you get

You feel you're older than time

You ain't exactly sure

If you've been away a while

            I had support but it just didn't feel like enough. My mind would always go back to those thoughts. One trigger was all it took.

            Who the fuck did I think I was pretending I was someone I'm not? That I could find a place in this crowd. This life. This one that I'd been a supposed part of for over a year.

            It was a big joke and I'm sure they were all laughing. Taking the piss and just waiting for the right moment to say I told you so.

Do you keep the receipts

For the friends that you buy

            What did Liam see in me? Nothing that I could tell. He was just biding his time. It was only a matter of time before his boredom kicked in and he told me he was done.

And ain't it bittersweet

You were only just getting by

            He didn't love me. How could he? I was fucking boring. Fucking weird. And so unlike all the other women who'd ever had a chance to be a part of his life.

            I should've pushed him to sign those fucking papers. Let me out. Just fucking let me out!

            I went into the bathroom and set the bottle down on the sink. I got in the medicine cabinet and found the aspirin and Benadryl.