I Checked Out the Badboy's Boxers

(20) Apartment 6A

With a cautious hand, as if unsure if this is actually him, in the flesh, I turn on my lamp next to my bed.

His face lights up, and as always, his smile is brighter than the lit room.

I grin, and throw my arms around him, banging my head against his firm chest, "You can't do that again, dumbass."

"Back to dumbass?" He teases me, "I thought I've been upgraded with this whole nickname thing?"

"Shithead." I mutter.

He chuckles, "How are you?"

"How am I? Why don't you tell me where you were?" I climb out of my bed and absentmindedly start pacing about the floor.

"I-"

"Nevermind. Come with me." I grab my key, a jacket, and his hand, and with that my lights are out and we're outside of the apartment.

I unlock the still vacant apartment next to us, and flick on the light, "Does Elle know you're back?"

He shakes his head.

"J?"

Same response.

"What about Mason?"

He laughs, "Who do you think I've been staying with this whole time?"

"That dickhead, how could he not tell me?"

"Calm down, Lex. Besides, did you honestly think I ever actually completed Boy Scouts? I'm not cut out for the whole wildlife living thing."

"You could've stayed with me." I bite my lip.

"You're too hard to resist." He shrugs, "I honestly don't think I could spend that amount of time with you without doing something that would wreck everything we have."

"Stop." I blush.

I brush a strand of hair out of my eyes and look up at him again, "I can't believe you're back."

"What, no welcome back kiss?"

I shake my head.

"What if I brought mistletoe?"

"I'd show you a calendar and prove to you it's not Christmas."

"What if I don't want to wait for Christmas?"

"Then," I absentmindedly start pacing again.

"What?" He gently places his hands on my shoulders and stares into my eyes.

"Then I'd have to tell you no." I bite my lip.

"You can't." A cloud of worry blows across his face, silent as early morning precipitation, "Lex." He brushes the soft pad of his thumb across my cheek.

"Mason." I choke out, "I don't know. What we are. Where we stand. What I am to him, and what I am to you? I don't know. I don't know, but here's what I do know."

I breathe out a long breathe, "When you care, truly, deeply, about a person, you go through lengths to protect them. When you generally establish literally any form of relationship, bonds form. Ties connect. And pretty soon there are multitudes, no millions, of strings. And when you leave, they break. It doesn't matter how, when, or why it happens. They break." A tear slides down my cheek, "For you, it might've been no strings attached," I inhale, "But I guess I got all tied up in that."

I go back to my room, silent droplets of moisture collecting in my eyes only to stream down my face, in beautifully terrible lines of sadness.

I look at the clock.