I Checked Out the Badboy's Boxers

(38) Breaking Point

As of now, it's been a month without Mason. I don't know why I haven't talked with him. I guess I'm just sad, or mad, or maybe a combination of both. I've spent the majority of my time with Jared and Parker. At least when I'm with them, I can have fun, and not worry about making sure they're happy and not going to beat anyone up whenever they feel like it. 

He's been texting me a lot lately. Every time there is a new text, it's like a ringing in my ears, a reminder that he is still there. Parts of me wish I'd never met him. Maybe then my life wouldn't be such a twisted mess. But other parts regret it, as soon as I think it, and immediately go back to loving him. 

My phone beeps on the table. I glance down at it. It's him. Again. 

Maybe I should give him a chance. He didn't do much wrong, after all. At least not yet. I haven't spoken to Elle much either. Parts of me will never forgive her for not telling me. Usually best friends tell each other those things. 

Sometimes, my life feels like I'm drowning. Everything is fuzzy, and waves of sadness seem to wash over me, at times I least expect it. There are waves of love, of passion, and longing to once again be with the boy I love. Other times, the waves are violent, and angrier. They remind me of the bottles that grazed his lips, and the newfound attitude that rested within him. I don't know what we are at this point. My status with Mason seems like an uphill battle from here. Instead of our love being based off of stepping stones of trust, and cute sentimental things, ours is the opposite. We're based off of tears, and fighting, and angry words, and makeup kisses. I question it a lot lately. Am I better off without him in my life? 

My mind is a constant war. And I'm not even sure whose side of the war I am fighting. I could fight for Mason, or against him. 

I sigh. Maybe I should give him another chance. 

Without thinking about it, I grab my keys, and lock the door behind me. You can do this, I tell myself. 

The elevator ride down, and the car ride to his home seemed to pass so quickly. Funny how, when you want time to slow down, it goes by instantly. And when you want it to pass slow to give you time to think, it passes quicker than anything. 

Glancing in my mirror, I sigh once again. I can't believe I'm doing this. I really need to find someone to stop me from making these possibly stupid impulsive decisions. I tend to make them a lot. Or at least a lot more than the normal average human. 

Fifteen steps later, I'm in front of the door. Thirty seconds later the man I have no clue how I feel about anymore is in front of me. Two seconds later I see a slight smile appear on his face. Two feet forward, are my arms flying around his neck, and my body pressed against his. See. I told you I make a lot more impulsive decisions than the average person. 

"I wasn't expecting this." His voice greets me. It's weird. Not having talked to him in so long, yet everything feels normal now. At least, kind of. 

"Where's Elodie?" I ask. 

Instantly his smile drops.

I raise an eyebrow, "What, is she like at the neighbors again or something?"

He reaches for my elbow, "I think you should come sit down with me for a little while."

"No, I just asked a simple question. Where is she?"

"Lex. Come sit down." His voice pleads.

I reluctantly follow him over to a chair in the living room, and sit down, "There. I'm sitting. Happy?"

He clears his throat, "After my mother died, I was in a lot of pain. I still am. I didn't know how to cope with it. I tried distracting myself, I tried drinking. Nothing worked."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"Sh, I'm getting there."

"Just let me see her." I whine, "I miss her, it's been awhile."

"You can't see her, Lexa."

"Why not?"

"Because she's gone."

I freeze, "Gone? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"She needs a mother. And a father and siblings and a solid family that can support her. She doesn't need an eighteen year old kid failing his way through school."

"Wait, Mase, what are you saying here-"

"Lexa. It was my decision. She's four. She doesn't need this kind of shit in her life."

I stare at him, "She's your sister."

"She needs a family that loves her. She doesn't need a fucked up kid who doesn't know what he's doing."

That's when the tears start. Yikes. Why am I such an emotional wreck?

"That doesn't fracking matter! She is someone important in your life and someone you're supposed to care about! She is your family. You can't just abandon family. I don't know who the hell told you that was okay, but it's most definitely not okay-"

My words are cut off by his lips on mine. But for once, there is no tingling effect. There's simply nothing. I pull away from him and step back, my eyes lit up with emotion. 

"Lex." He looks at me, a soft expression on his face, "It's really for the best."

Without even thinking, I pull my arm back and slap him. Two seconds later, my hand is in pain and there's a huge red mark across his face. I step back once again, my cheeks hot, and ashamed. 

"I'm sorry."

He just nods, "It doesn't matter. I deserved it."

"Start from the beginning." I instruct. 

He breathes in, "After my mother died, things got hard. Not just emotionally, but financially as well. There was the stress of that, and then the stress of the trial, and then the fact that finals are approaching and there just isn't even time for school anymore. All my life I've been a pretty mature kid, but I've done the most growing up I've done in my entire life these past few months. Everything is different. I'm failing Lex. I'm not going to graduate. I tried getting a job, tried making some money, and making sure she was taken care of, but I couldn't do it. I called social services and they gave me some options. I decided foster care was the best. She'll have a chance to live a normal life, with supportive parents, and she won't have to deal with any of this shit. It's for the best. There was no other choice."

I nod, and slowly rise to my feet, my voice low, and my eyes trained on his, "I just want you to know.. I will never, ever, forgive you for this."

A/N: after almost three years, icotbb is finally coming to a close. It's been a long time since i started this book, hence the reason updates have become less and less frequent, and i haven't done much editing/promoing. the biggest reason for this is, i started writing this book when i was fourteen, and an eighth grader in middle school. a lot has changed since then, my writing style being one of them. as i look back and reread chapters, i realize how many plot wholes there are, and how many tangents, and overall just how different my writing is since then. since this was my first book i published on wattpad, i have decided to finish it. for you guys. i know how bad it sucks when authors decide not to finish their work because they are disappointed in it. i relate to both them and you. yes, i haven't been updating because i have no motivation to continue a work i do not currently plan on editing or rewriting, simply because of the change in mindset i've grown to pursue over these past few years. but on the other hand, i want to finish this book. for you. i promise i will give you an ending. thank you for your support these past few years. it honestly means everything to me. i remember how proud i was when this book hit 100 reads. i was amazed. and now two years later its hitting numbers like 372,000 reads. to some that may not seem like a lot. but to me its amazing, and for that reason i will continue. 

speaking of icotbb coming to a close, i have a new work in progress, that i plan on starting and finishing this summer. it will be fully edited, and hopefully successful. i'm not going to tell you much yet, but it will be a short story, and you can expect a prologue for that early/mid july. 

-tiny