Nightmares Never Go Away

Chapter Two: High School

The bell rings as I get to the front of Stuart High school like I had expected to happen. Five minutes to spare exactly until the late bell rings. I continue walking not in a huge hurry up the path to the front doors of the school. Passing by and walking among other students who've barely arrived or decided to spend their morning before first period with their friends unlike me.

I would have gotten here earlier but I had to walk Vivian to her school first as I always do. She of course held me there in a death grip. Talking to her friends at her elementary school for the past ten minutes while having me be part of her discussions with her friends. Her thinking I'm there age and into the same things they love. And I felt the need to stay because..well I'm her older brother. Leaving in a rush to get away from my sister I care about the most would be mean.

Plus she did without realizing change the subject this morning. She took the spotlight off me and turned it on her. Therefore I didn't have to have dad continue asking me about my drawing. I was free of questions he may ask I wanted to avoid.

I remind myself again to get rid of the drawing in my sketchbook. Preventing someone from seeing it especially my dad because that's the last thing I need. He hasn't talked about Jared in a while except for asking if I'm okay and so on counts. He's always asking without asking about how I am when no one else is around. Wondering and worrying about me and I wish he wouldn't.

In the main doors and into the hallway leading to my first period class, no one takes much notice of me. I'm invisible to everyone now these days no longer a freshman and the seniors who did bother me moved on. Not many pay attention to me and I think it's because I avoid eye contact.

The taunting and whispered rumors have gone down from middle school until now in tenth grade. I think the worst of it was eighth grade just like my history teacher that year had said it would be for everyone. I guess it shows sometimes it doesn't matter who you are or your background, everyone experiences bullying some point in their life.

My hell as I like to call it obviously happened to be the worst the year before high school. Even more so then the next when everyone was trying to figure out who they are in that awkward phase. Nothing about middle school was good in my opinion but I can tolerate it by now. I have had to deal with it once people started to discover Jared, who I don't acknowledge anymore as my dad, did horrible things and I happen to be a result of it.

Teachers and parents took part in the whispering and gossiping among each other just like the kids in class. One difference is they didn't tell me to my face what they were thinking but I got the picture. I understood by the way they looked at me they were either pitying me and my family or wondering if I will end up just like him. They still do as years keep going by but most of the people who bully me at school don't bother anymore calling out the obvious.

No instead they choose to call out other faults and flaws of mine. Saying stuff to my face and behind my back I ignore. I try to ignore it that is because I'm not going to pretend to myself it doesn't bother me sometimes. It does but I don't let them know it. I don't tell my dad about it either. I've come to accept it's a looming problem that isn't leaving.

Just like the look I see them give me containing a glimmer in their eyes of fear directed to me as if they're scared of me. Thinking to themselves out of fear I'll one day snap and they don't want to be on the receiving end of it. But I can promise myself and everyone that isn't going to happen.

I don't hear voices like he did. I don't want to hurt people. I don't drink either. I do everything to prevent myself not to turn into him and do something horrible. My dad even has me talk to a counselor he used to see and talk to.

I'm doing more than fine I think as I follow someone walking to the same class I have right now on the bottom floor all the way at the end. Maneuvering my way to the back of the room where my best friend Duncan is already sitting down at his usual seat. "What happened I thought you were going to show up at my place this weekend?" Duncan asks as soon as I take a seat.

"I don't know." I shrug taking my backpack off and taking out what I need for Geometry class. "I was busy. I had to watch Vivian." I lie when the real reason was something entirely different.

"And?" he questions like I thought he would. Not giving in to an answer using my sister as an excuse. I've brought her along to his house before to hang out with his sister her age plenty of times. My dad trusts me at sixteen to watch her but that's not the point. This weekend  I went out and didn't watch Vivian. Dad stayed home with her and Chris while I went out to do something else I don't plan on telling Duncan. I don't plan on having my dad find out either when I had told him I went to Duncan's house for several hours two days in a row.

"And I had to stay home." I lie again opening up my notebook pretending to be busy and avoid the truth once again today.

"Oh come on Jayden we both know your dad never makes you stay home to watch her. Why would he care anyway?" he doesn't let it go.

I'm about to say something when I glance up to see the reason I didn't stop by his house this weekend standing right before my eyes.