Nightmares Never Go Away

Chapter Twenty Eight: A Little Pain Never Hurt

(Jordan)

He trusts me. He doesn't fear me. He isn't worried I will hurt him in the end like everyone else he knows. He talks to me and that's all I ever wanted from him. I wanted him to notice me, I wanted a friendship he never gave me and now I have it. I have him where I want him and it feels good.

"You got me in trouble." Shawn accuses me. He's out of his long three months confined to his room I was hoping would last longer.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I answer him, done with the silence I kept between him and I.

"Like hell you don't." he spats. Anger suits him well compared to the talkative happy person he tries to be on regular days since I arrived. Instead this is the person he truly is and is meant to be. He's mean spirited and tainted with hate inside his heart that pours out of him. He can't control his rage which brought him here and apparently has grown through his time here. "You got me trapped in my room for three months for something I didn't do."

"I still don't know what you're talking about." I lie with a straight face.

"I knew there was something wrong about you. You don't fit in this place." he goes on bickering nonsense.

"Last I checked I do." I retort, a smirk across my face.

His anger becomes enraged at my sarcasim he doesn't find funny. "You little shit." he reaches across the table in the rec room grabbing me by my collar but a nurse comes over to stop him.

"Let him go Shawn." the attendant orders but I don't mind. I'm perfectly fine staring Shawn down and  getting under his skin. He doesn't scare me, none of these people do. I already have what I want and he doesn't have a chance to ruin it but himself.

"What's going on?" Jayden asks walking over, he's concerned about me. I can hear in his voice he cares about me and less about Shawn since we've become good friends. Close friends in two months together than we ever were out of this place. He loves me more than our stupid teacher he was fucking behind closed doors.

*****

I lurk in the shadows, out of sight in the dark, on a late Saturday night. Watching, peering into the bedroom window as I watch the one I love with someone else.

He's in there with him again. Spending another several hours with a man older than him and not much younger than his own dad. He doesn't for the slightest second know of my presence. Neither of them know of my existence on a regular normal day. I am nobody who blends in. Swallowed into the dark which is something I love and hate at the same time.

I don't think anyone ever pays attention to ordinary me. I have always been overlooked by everyone. I'm overlooked by my parents at home to this day. I sometimes wonder if they notice I am there when I'm standing right in front of them.

Okay that's a bit of an exaggeration. They do acknowledge me to tell me what a fuck up I am without realizing they are. Speak about every flaw in their eyes of their youngest child who does nothing right. I have an older brother and sister who hate me and pretend we aren't related in public. I am a disgrace in my perfect family it makes perfect sense why no one at school wants to be seen with me.

I walk around like the black plague no one wants to stand too close to. No one wants to dare be caught staring into my creepy ice blue eyes and I don't want them to. I don't need to be noticed by anyone except maybe Jayden.

It was the beginning of ninth grade almost as soon as school started back up when my life changed. I had never befriended anyone, never had a reason to. I got used to being invisible from a young age until he smiled and said hi to me in class.

Suddenly I wasn't invisible for a split second in his eyes but a somebody who sat next to him. I was Jordan and not a nobody. He looked me in my eyes and my heart began to beat rapidly in my chest. I was having trouble understanding why he was talking to me. I could barely speak and as soon as he said hi the bell rang and our conversation ended but not the little crush which developed over time into love for him.

I can't for the life of me understand why I fell in like and love with him. He's damaged just like I am but holds himself up better than I do. All he did was smile and I formed a deranged love for him I feel growing more every day.

I'm obsessed. I'm crazy in love I know I am to have come to the lowest of lows to follow him around. Hide in the obvious of backgrounds no one takes notice of me. I blend in but this type of sick camouflage is what is hurting me every day I see him with me.

He's only sixteen, the same age as me. Too young to see the bad in what he is doing while the man is old enough to know the consequences and see his actions are slowly ruining an already tarnished teenager's life. He thinks he is in love but it isn't love. Lust is what is keeping this relationship they have going. Both are too lost in the secret itself of a teacher and a student romance that is forbidden by all.

He feels alone. He is being preyed on by someone older than him and he doesn't realize it. He had a bad childhood and he just wants love like I do. He wants someone to take the pain away by searching for the answers in all the wrong places.

Am I not mad for watching him though? Hypocritical to be judging by what I am doing? Disturbed perhaps to be in love so much when my only conversation was a single hi?

I shake my head to my obsure questions I do not need to answer while my hands begin to tremble in the dark. Shaking with anger not from the cold weather of October. I have resentment boiling in me for doing nothing for a year I have loved him and now I am being forced to watch him have sex.

"I could have told him. Could have said something and it would be me he's with right now not him." I whisper to nobody but myself hiding behind a tree.

For fucks sake the guy doesn't love him like I do! He doesn't cares about him when he simply thinks of him as someone he can fuck. He's the sick person not me. He's using him and will continue to as he blindly believes his every word out of his mouth.

Every day I watch not doing anything but not for much longer. Not much longer at all and I can have what's mine. I will have him falling onto his knees in love with me. And all it takes is a little tragedy, a little murder I plan to act upon.

A little pain never hurt anyone before has it?

*****

Shawn lets go and is escorted back to his room where he won't be a problem. "Are you okay?" Jayden asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say, nothing and no one in my way to happiness with Jayden. And to think all I had to do was kill his sister for him to notice me.