Nightmares Never Go Away

Chapter Nine: Halloween Night

October 31st

The hallway in the school is empty, most left already while I waited behind. Made plans ahead to not walk home with Duncan and lucky for me Vivian went to a friend's house. And now I have a few hours of free time.

I decided making up my mind earlier today to spend it with Blaine. Usually we never talk much at school. We rarely make eye contact to have eyebrows raised because we both know the consequences of someone reporting him and I. Today though is an exception. Today I want to see him because I haven't seen him as much this month.

I've been too absorbed in stuff I should have long forgotten about. I also have been forced to cover up my tracks to hide the truth of what's going on and along the way it has involved spending less time at Blaine's. Staying home, making sure my dad thinks I'm fine and now I have the problem I never seen until Vivian pointed it out.

The past, a worried dad having a new baby and a friend I now realize likes me is turning this month into a suffocating hole I'm in. I have no idea where to begin in fixing the mess I'm in plus hiding the fact I'm secretly in love with my teacher. I don't want to see my life of somewhat balanced happiness and misery fall apart and leave me with nothing. I want to avoid a tragedy and at the same time live my life how I want and what I want is to chance today seeing Blaine.

We had no plans for me to meet at his house today. I also had no intentions to wait around until everyone left after my last class to stop in his class but I am. I'm taking the risk while everyone is too blind by Halloween to notice.

Like I have thought for years Halloween means nothing to me. It's just another holiday I dislike and have no feelings for. Instead I want to ignore everyone and everything for a little while to be with Blaine right now. I have nothing else to do today until six and even those plans I wish I never made. I rather stay home altogether or spend my time in the comfort of Blaine's house and not around people but Vivian wants to do something today. She convinced me, talked me into other plans involving the corn maze.

In reality I should have said no. Told her the truth; I am scared. I am terrified of what lies in our past she doesn't know about. I don't want to pretend to somebody else on a day everyone else wants to dress up. I don't want to act. I don't want to remember things better left in the past. I really don't want to feel my heart pounding in my chest from someone dressed up like a scarecrow getting a sick thrill out of scaring people.

As I get to where I want to be, the classroom Blaine is in, the students have dissipated. He's alone and second thoughts and doubts begin to cloud my head but in the end I can't help it. I want to see him more than a few glances during class. I want to talk to him like we talk at his house. I want to be near him, close, our skin touches. I want to be around him in his arms. I want to see him without waiting for tomorrow because somehow tomorrow seems like years away.

I open the door catching him by surprise as he stares up. He doesn't look completely shocked to see me after school ended a few minutes ago but he also doesn't look excited. "Did you need something?"

"No, I wanted to see you." I say shutting the door behind me not forgetting to lock the door and stepping forward.

I watch his expression change, as he stands near his desk, into worry and displeasure by my idea to visit. He doesn't want anyone to find out about us and neither do I but I want to see him. Talk to him for a little bit when I have been stuck at home trying give off the impression to my dad nothing is wrong with me and there is no reason to worry about me. Acting like I'm not hiding the fact I have been doing something he wouldn't approve of. And it seems to appear my dad is making in nearly impossible for me to sneak off.