Nightmares Never Go Away

Chapter Four: Family Dinner Announcement

I glance through the menu at the restaurant, not saying much to contribute to the conversation at the table. I don't know what I can say when my mind is still on Monday. Thinking over what my dad said four days ago and hasn't mention much about lately.

I knew almost as soon as I walked away to my room my dad was going to follow and talk to me alone without Vivian around. It was bound to happen and I wasn't surprised because why wouldn't he check on me. He waited about an hour until finally he decided enough time had passed to see how I was. Start a conversation about what I did and didn't bring up. The first thing he went to was asking if I'm fine and reminding me I can talk to him about what's going on whenever I want. But like every other time I didn't want to talk. I did what I always do, say I'm fine. Telling him it's no big deal and I just need space. Lying further to keep Blaine a secret.

Dad wouldn't understand. He wouldn't want to because he would try to compare my life to his and he doesn't want me making the same mistakes by falling in love with someone older. And no amount of saying Blaine isn't the same would change his mind but it's not as if we planned this.

Blaine was my Algebra teacher last year and I liked him. I liked him but I never thought anything more about it. I didn't imagine one day after class with no one around it would turn into what we are now. Kissing in empty classrooms and going to his house unnoticed I'm forced to lie to my dad. Trying to cover up what I'm doing with someone whose suppose to be my teacher and nothing remotely close to love. I shouldn't be bringing up stuff I rather not talk about to prevent my dad from finding out.

That's easier said than done when I have the past stuck on replay in the back of my head. I don't like talking about it. I'm trying to bury it to stay in the past but it's not working. I'm seeing Jared in my dreams, in what I draw, my thoughts and words. He's connected to me, I'm part of him, and that's what makes it that much harder.

But Blaine, Blaine in a big way is my escape from reality. He's the person in my life to take my mind off of everything I don't want to think and talk about. I just wish it was simple and easy to explain to my dad. After all my dad fell in love with someone older therefore he doesn't have the right to say it's wrong. He can't criticize me for what I'm doing with my life.

I want to believe myself when I try to feed myself lies but I know better. Of course my dad can say what I'm doing is wrong because he's my dad. He's the adult and in charge of my life in some ways for the next two years until I turn eighteen. One of the reasons I'm making sure I don't give any indication something is going on I don't want anyone else to know about. Also the reason why I didn't attempt to talk my way out of the rescheduled dinner reservation he made tonight.

Friday night I usually go to Duncan's after school and sometimes leave early to see Blaine at his house but that's not going to happen. I probably shouldn't chance it this weekend unless I want my dad breathing down my neck thinking I need to talk to someone when I don't.

"Remind me again why are we eating out again?" I ask, glancing up from the menu I haven't been reading through.

We usually have the same routine as a family. We don't go out to eat at some nice restaurant in the beginning of the week as my dad wanted to do before I ruined the plans. Dad cooks dinner every night unless he's busy or its a special occasion but I can't figure out what occasion is this week. I'm not complaining about it but I do wonder what's the big deal about going to dinner somewhere nice.

"Why not?" he replies looking up from his menu, "What are you planning on ordering?" he changes the subject of why we're here.

"I'll have whatever you get." I reply.

"No, get whatever you want tonight." he insists as I look back down at the menu not interested.

"Why?" I ask him unable to stop wondering why he's so insistent.