Blue Neighbourhood

t w e n t y - t h r e e

TROYES POV

I wake up to the sound of my phone buzzing.

Adam's name appears on my phone.
I hesitantly answer.

"Hello?"

"Troye sorry to wake you, but I need to say this.

I need you to meet me at our spot or whatever you want to call it."

"I don't know if I can Adam."

"You can, or you just don't want to?"

"I just don't know if I'm ready to talk and discuss about things."

"Well here's the thing Troye, I wasn't asking for you to meet me. I am telling you.

Be there around 1:00. We need to talk wether you like it or not.

I'll talk to you later."

I don't want to do this.

I'm physically prepared to talk to Adam, but mentally I'm just fucked up.

~

1:00 approaches quicker than I would have liked it to. I began to walk to the beach near the jetty. I don't know wether or not to still call it our spot. I guess depending on how the talk goes, that will decide what we call it.

I arrive at the beach and I see Adam standing, staring at the waves in the ocean. I walk up to him and tap his shoulder to get attention.
He turns and looks happy, yet he still shows a little bit of sadness in his eyes.

"Hi Troye." He half smiles at me.

"Hello Adam."

"Do you wanna talk first or should I?"

"I mean since you already explained a little bit yesterday, then I'll go first." I tell him.

I clear my throat before speaking.

"I hope you don't get mad when I say this but, I don't owe an apology to you. You're the one who did all of this. I know you explained yourself yesterday, but I still don't owe you anything. I don't know yet if I'm going to forgive you, but maybe I will if you just do this one thing for me Adam."

"What is it Troye?"

"I need to know if you really love me.
I want you to look me straight in the eyes and tell me. And I'll decide if I want to forgive you, or at the very least if I still want to even remain friends."

Adam turns his head to me so now he's looking directly into my eyes.

"Troye, I love you. Even when we were kids I knew that you were going to be someone special to me. You are the only person who can make me feel better. From the times I would cry over my mum and dad fighting, to the times I would run away from home and we would make plans to leave never come back, to the times when I only just needed a hug.
Or to when I just wanted to hear your voice.
Then when I came back to Perth and you saw me at the Café, I knew that I really did love you. It felt like even though I haven't seen you for ten years, I knew that I didn't want to miss anymore years of your life. As time when on I knew that I could only fall even more in love with you. And I did.

I only lied to protect you, you have to know that Troye. I may have said I didn't love you, but that's the biggest lie I ever told.
I know you don't have to forgive me right away, but at least know that if you don't, I would still love you."

I didn't even say anything. I pulled him closer to me and leaned into him. I can tell he was surprised I kissed him like that unexpectedly, but he soon kissed me back.

"I love you Adam."

"I've always loved you Troye."

~

Adam and I began to leave our spot.

As we drew near my house Adam stopped and faced me.

"Troye I know this isn't really that important, but I need to ask you something about Matt."

"Sure. Just tell me."

"I know I can't control your actions, but I need to know if you did anything more than just kiss Matt.
I know you know we were each other's first kiss. And I wanted you to be my first in everything, but just tell me, did you and Matt hook up? And please don't lie to me. I can handle the truth and I'll eventually get over it if you did."

I honestly didn't think he would ever ask this.
As much as I hate lying, I know I can't tell him. It's not like he's going to find out anyway. The only people that know that I had sex with Matt, is Matt and I. Who knows what will happen with Adam and I's relationship if I told him. Matt was my first time. If I told Adam that then we will just go back to where we started.

"No Adam, I promise you we didn't do anything more than kiss. I swear to you love."

Guilt already washes over me.

"Thanks for telling me." He leans in and plants a small kiss on my cheek.

We reach my house and Adam leads me to my doorstep.

"I'll see you tomorrow love."
He plants a kiss on my lips before walking away. I give him a small smile and I open the door to my house.

I turn my back against the door and I slide down until I reach the floor.
I realize that maybe I did do a bad thing.

I just lied to the man who I love and who is in love with me.

Maybe this is why love is hard, because it's difficult to find and so easy to lose.