For you

Poem 18: I thought you said forever?

I can't believe this new reality

That looking back is some sort of Shakespearean tragedy

I believe "then, now, and FOREVER; I love you" were your words

Words that now shred my heart like a thousand swords

I hope you find what you left me for

Because I can't stop staring at my fucking door

Do you know how much it hurts?

You left me as damaged goods worse than when you found me kind of hurts

I made sure that your mom was told

Because to me she is a role model, she's gold

You don't see her that way all you see is her "picking fights"

But that's the thing about you, you always think you're right

When things got tough you labeled me an abusiver

I'm a survivor of sexual assault when you said that it was intrusive

It made me question my very existence it made me scream who the hell am I?!

But I guess at the end of the day I'm still alive

You said it would break you if I wasn't in your world

But what you didn't realize is you left me beyond stirred

You were my entire world my will to live

I don't mean to bash or sound insensitive

You meant more to me than you'll ever know

That's why I can't seem to let you the hell go

And it hurts God it hurts more than words can describe

But as you screamed at me once, it's life I should just face what I'm prescribed

I meant every word I ever said to you

I even meant it when I promised one day to say I do

I gave up the last piece of us both that I had

I guess it's okay they all tell me, maybe it's a good thing not a bad

But it's what they didn't see what only we knew

Dancing in the kitchen as I stepped on your shoes

You got down on one knee and said "I want to spend forever with you"

So why?.. just please tell me why..... couldn't you commit when you knew you had to?

Authors note:
I know. I haven't updated in forever. My life is a screwy mess. I'm sorry. I actually cried writing this chapter. It felt good to get it out. Anywho thanks for reading,
-B