For you

Poem 22: Lately Ive been dreaming

Lately I've been dreaming of just what my life may be,

If I'd told you no to the decision that wrecked me.

Lately I've been dreaming of a place so fine,

There I'm with you it seems quite Devine.

Lately I've been wondering about how your life is going,

Since we last spoke you've done quite a lot of running.

You've run away from her like you ran away from me.

Frankly, I just don't find it funny.

I poured three years of my life into you.

And you slapped me in the face with an " I never planned on saying I do"

Lately I've been crying over what we used to have,

And the fact we don't have it anymore makes me quite sad.

At night I find myself longing for your arms.

Lately I haven't been getting much sleep due to nightmares.

"Everybody gets them" you said it's nothing but a scare.

You told me to grow up when the decision I made was because you weren't grown up.

So grow the hell up and take a step up.

Lately I've been exhausted while you've been running through my mind.

Nights we danced together and you showed me you were kind.

Lately I've been sad.

And I know I shouldn't be,

It's been a year I should be able to be happy.

But you left a gap an impossible one to fill.

It drives me crazy and makes me ill.

I was a homeless girl looking for love.

You were my knight in shining armor from above.

I lived with your family for one hot summer.

You became my best friend not to mention my lover.

You were the kindest most gentle man I had ever met.

Losing you is my deepest regret.

But really it was your choice and not mine.

So please just tell me; how did you decide?

How did you decide that drugs are more important than family and love?

How did you decide that you should push me away and not just push but shove?

When did you decide that I don't know you at all?

Well I believe I know you better than them all.

My mother used to joke with me "you'll marry that boy one day"

But when you proposed to me I knew she meant it someday.

You were my first and I'm beginning to think you'll be my last.

My friends tell me to move on and leave you in my past.

Lately I've been numb unable to feel anything,

And it's hard but I know it's because you were my everything.

I thought you were different; my biggest mistake,

You like shoving my best friend (your cousin)'s face in cake.

Lately I've been digging, how could I have been so naive?

But you were the one who convinced me to pull up my sleeves.

I was such a self conscious girl touched only once from a cruel man's hand.

He may have raped me but you, you promised me a wedding band.

Only to tell me you don't love me anymore.

Making me feel once more like to you I was a chore.

But it's been a year damn it and I try to move on.

There was a cute guy but I don't think he felt the same,

And if he did I was reminded too often of your name.

Lately I've been laying wide awake,

Why couldn't you have just loved me longer for goodness sake?!

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Wow that was emotional to write. Thank you to everyone who actually reads. I know my poems are usually longer but I have a job and am only able to write now because I'm on vacation.

Any and all input is welcome!
-Iz