For you

Poem 35: It's time to be Honest

I take a deep breathe as I try to right this out slow.

I still have feelings for you, stronger than you may ever know.

I dream of falling asleep to the beat of your heart once again.

And I wake realizing it was just my pillow and my brain playing pretend.

I can pretend to be over you the same way that I breathe.

But at night, alone in my car, I begin to cry and heave.

I miss you so much, it hurts to breathe.

It hurts to see a world where you and I are so far apart.

I will be honest and admit, it breaks my heart.

It's time that I come clean with you.

I can't even date because I still feel tied to you.

Our love and our relationship were one for the books.

I still remember your goofy grin and handsome looks.

I remember your tears and mine,

As we held each other and cried.

The thing that tore us apart was at one time the thing that held us together.

You made me feel joyful and light like a feather.

I said yes when you proposed,

Knowing all the things that only you, God, and I knows.

Why did you have to let him break us apart?

Why did you have to break my heart?!

I gave you all that I had,

And so now it's time to be honest, dad.

Because you are one whether you acknowledge is or not is up to you.

But in the end God and I both know it's true.

I lay in bed and shudder as I write my feeling out.

I remember first meeting you and wearing a pout.

I remember all of it, and I miss you so much more.

Please know, I wouldn't turn you away if you showed up at my door.

My thoughts are consumed by you in my every hour.

I long for you to hold me, despite old people gone sour.

I long for you to hold my hand,

And tell me everything will be okay it's all part of God's plan.

I miss your heart for all that is good.

Oh my love, you were so misunderstood.

People looked at you and saw a hyperactive troubled little boy.

I looked at you and saw my first love, our story, and joy.

I miss your heart and love for God and to serve.

Do you still talk to Jesus? Or did satan cause you to swerve?

If I'm honest, I don't pray for you as much as I used to.

And that's something I'd like to change, but it's hard to chew.

When I said I do,

I meant it, and I meant I do with you.

If you still read this please show me a sign.

Please let me know it's not all in my mind.

Please tell me you still love me and ask me to dance.

And please, my love please, truly give us another chance.

I love you with all that is in my soul.

These two years without you have made me feel less whole.

This was the whole thing darling, this was me being honest.

This was me fighting for you like John Smith for Pocahontas.

Goodnight my love, I pray you rest well.

Know that my heart still beats for you, and swells.

For now, this is goodbye.

Until the day when we can once again say hi.