The Next Step:Jiley's story

Chapter 56-recovery

I get wheeled back to my room with James following behind me, I know I need to pull myself back together, the sooner I prove that I'm ready to start walking the sooner I can be a better mother to the others and crying all the time is in no way going to prove that I'm ready to start walking.

Once I get back to my room I've made a decision, I'm going to be strong, I'm not going to dwell on the past, I'm going to move forward.

"James, can you bring a doctor in please?" I ask James who is pacing around my room looking lost, he nods and then leaves. I want a doctor because I want to try and convince them that I can start walking. The longer I spend lying around doing nothing the longer I have to think about loosing Josh. A doctor walks in and he gives me a weak smile, I return it and then begin my speech about why I should be allowed to walk again

"I'd like to start walking again today because I need something to take my mind off loosing my son and I think having something to work towards will be great help and should stop me from dwelling on the past, which is what I would do if I get left for another hour in this dull grey room." I say getting angrier the more I talk, James looks at me and raises an eyebrow, I know I've made him feel guilty about him not being here all the time and that's not what I wanted to do so I take his hand in mine to show that I don't blame him, then I turn my attention to the doctor, who looks at me and a mixture of expressions pass across his face, I know he thinks it's a good idea but I also know that he won't have the casting vote

"Riley, I completely agree with you but I don't think all the doctors would because you do still have a break in your neck and it's not always good to walk with a brace on but the sooner we can get you up on your feet the sooner we can think about discharging you and getting you back to a normal life, so I'm going to go and talk it over with other doctors but I will support your argument no matter what." he says, I smile trying to nod but failing because of the tight brace that's holding my neck in place. He smiles and then leaves the room, leaving just James and me

"You know that I wouldn't leave you if we didn't have the kids at home." James says quickly

"Of course, I didn't say that to make you feel bad, I just said it to get my own way and so that I can get out of this place sooner." I explain, he nods his head and then the room returns to the comfortable silence because neither of us want to mention Josh but that's the only thing either of us can think about.

After about half an hour the same doctor walks back in wit a huge smile on his face, I take that as good news

"Can I start walking?" I ask eagerly, he laughs lightly and then nods his head

"You've got to take it easy and only do it when a member of staff is in the room with you." he says, explaining himself. I smile a huge smile

"Can you give me a hand?" I ask him, he nods and walks over to me, I grip his arm and push myself up on him, putting all my weight on him I gingerly take a step forward, and then another and another until I reach the other side of the room. It only took about ten steps and I didn't bear any weight on my own feet but I made it to the chair and I collapse into it, welcoming the soft cushion underneath me. I close my eyes and relax, I forget about everything and just focus on the happy thoughts that are coursing through me, I made it to the chair, I can make it out of this hospital alive and I can be a mother again. I don't think I've ever felt happier.

I open my eyes after a few minutes to see James in front of me and he crashes his lips into mine, this is what I missed all this time. Everything feels normal, I have James' lips pressed against mine and I feel my muscles relax into the back of the chair. His hand runs through my hair before he pulls away

"I'm so proud of you." he says quietly before standing up and holding out his hand. I take this as an invitation to lean on him and pick myself back up. I make tiny steps toward my bed and before I know it I'm curled back up into the covers absolutely exhausted, my eyes slowly close and the last thing I hear before I fall asleep is

"I love you."