The Next Step:Jiley's story

Mixed emotions

"bleep, bleep, bleep..." the machines keeping James alive continued to remind me that he was still alive. I looked down at him, he looked like he was just sleeping, just peacefully asleep, not dying because of some people with guns. Since I came to the hospital about an hour and a half ago, I've found out that he was shot once in the chest, that just escaped hitting any essential organs and one in his abdomen, this was the wound threatening his life, he lost so much blood from it he is now having a blood transfusion. The kids were all alright but still terrified and that right now their was a 50/50 chance of James surviving, this is what scares me the most, the one statistic that leaves you in the dark, anything that goes wrong tips the balance and I've lost him. I still have Poppy on my knee but she's been asleep most of the time we've been here. Chloe's looking after Lottie and Amelia whilst the others are staying with hospital staff to check they  don't have any unnoticed injuries. I look down again, it's just a habit, I know nothing will have changed in the last minute, but this time I notice that something has changed. His eyes are slightly open and he seems to be trying to speak "wht....hpped," he makes out, I know what he's asking and to be honest I know that I should tell him but I cant bring myself to do it. "You were kind of shot, twice." I tell him not really wanting to tell him that it was a terrorist attack and that he's on the verge of death "how?" he asks, I sigh knowing that'll have to tell him more "there was a terrorist attack at the park, you were with the kids, I went home because Poppy fell in a puddle." I tell him, trying to steer clear of telling him how damaged and broken he is "the kids are alright?" I just nod before stroking his head "they are fine, but you're really not." I tell him, knowing that I should stop trying to hide the truth from him, but it feels like that as soon as I tell him, it makes it true, there is no turning back. "you're on life support, and having a blood transfusion as we speak, you might not make it out of here alive." I internally sigh as I tell him, knowing that this is the truth and that I can't change it and make it better or stop him from dying, it hurts so bad.

James fell asleep again after about two minutes of being awake, he's exhausted. I decide that I should probably go and find the others whilst he sleeps. I kiss him on his forehead before leaving the room and heading down to the ward that I've heard they're in, following the signs I still get lost and then Poppy wakes up and starts screaming, eventually I get to their room and walk in to see them all playing around with bits of lego and toy dolls, I smile, knowing that they're alright. I look around the room and notice that none of them have noticed me walk in so I just stand there in silence, taking in how adorable my children are, playing with each other, that's when I notice Isla shoving a doll in a pram face first, making me giggle. That's when they all hear me and turn around "Mommy, Poppy," Josh screams and darts towards me with wide arms, I laugh and place Poppy down so I can pick up "hey, bub how're doing?" I ask him, he's probably the most talkative and can talk the most out of all of them "It was scawy, Mommy, the men scared me, I'm scared of the men." he told me and my heart shattered, seeing their perfect little minds being damaged and scarred by terrorists, I pulled him into a tighter hug and whispered in his ear "It's alright little man, they won't come back, Mommy will look after you." I tell him, he nods and snuggles his head into my hair. I put Josh down and give all the other hugs before the start to ask about James "where's Daddy?" Isaac asks "Dada?" Oscar says confused, my smile drops off my face and I'm not really sure what to tell them "Daddy go a bit hurt at the park, he's staying in hospital for a while." I tell their little faces, they all nod and then go back to playing with the toys. I just hope that James does come out because how do you tell one year olds that they don't have a Dad anymore?