The Next Step:Jiley's story

Chapter 57-missing him

Days went by and I would walk an extra few steps each day, it was tiring work learning how to control my legs again but my hard work seems to be paying off because after only one week of walking I was being moved out of the walking unit to a unit that focussed on my arm and neck bones, this also meant I could have visitors, not just James. I was slowly walking down the corridor to the new ward, this was the furthest I'd walked since the accident but I was doing alright, I was nearly there and still had some energy in me. I walked the last few steps and collapsed in my new bed. James, who had been following behind me joined me in my bed being careful of my arm and pulled me into a tight hug.

We lay like this for about half an hour before James stood up and walked over to the door, confused I sat up

"Where are you going?" I asked him quietly

"Well, I thought that eight children had been missing their Mom so I'm going to pick them up and bring them here, if that's alright with you." He said, this made me smile, he always knew exactly what I needed. Once he'd left I began to realise just how much I had been missing them, I had tried to just focus on getting better and forgetting about the kids because the more I think about them the more I miss them but now I know that they're coming I think about how much they might have changed, what if they don't even recognise me? This question flies around my head, I'm sure they'll recognise their Mom, but what if they don't? I don't think I'd be able to handle it if my own children don't recognise me because I've been cooped up in hospital for so long.

I keep on thinking about them not recognising me until I'm interrupted by a knock on the door and then a chorus of "Mommmyyyyyy." coming from all the kids, they all charge in and scramble up my bed trying to give me a hug, I smile and then help them all up with my one good arm. They all sit on the end if my bed smiling and giving me hugs every other second, I can't believe I thought they wouldn't remember me. Just as they all begin to calm down I see Isaac looking at me with confusion painted on his face

"Hey, Isaac what's wrong with you?" I ask him whilst tickling him under his chin, he giggles a bit and then replies

"I thought Josh would be here." he says innocently, I look over at James I thought he would've told them that Josh was dead, he gives me the look to say I tied to tell them but they didn't understand, I nod and then turn back to Isaac, he looks up at me and my heat melts, he doesn't know that he's lost his identical brother and right now I don't have the heart to tell him

"Isaac, Josh is having a long, long sleep and he probably won't wake up." I say quietly, it hurts so bad having to tell my children that they don't have their brother around anymore, he just nods and then goes back to having a convocation with Dom. I begin to feel my eyes fill up with tears and my nose begins to prickle, I look over at James and see that he's on the verge of tears as well, our not even two year old isn't here anymore, he's not playing with our other children or crying in the night when he's not feeling well or giving us goodnight hugs and kisses or refusing to eat his greens or always trying to get chocolate off us or doing anything his siblings and every other young child should be doing, instead he's being prepared for his funeral in a weeks time. It hurts so much.