For me this year has been a year of restoration, and I thought that I will share this with you guys. Basically restoration is repairing or reshaping something. In this case I was repairing pieces of me that was broken.
Throughout my younger years, it felt like I kept going through series of heartbreaks and set backs. I was constantly bullied and I never understood why. I was molested and that was one of the things that caused me to feel low within myself. People were so jealous of me, it got to the point that a classmates parent worked voodoo on me in order for me to fail drastically , and make me forget everything I studied.
Constant pressure from teachers, my family and the bullying around me, pushed me to have a low self esteem and to always be quiet.
I know as women, we all go through some challenges that cause us to hurt, and it feels as if pieces of our soul is just deteriorating by the constant verbal,sexual and physical abuse that we may face. It gets to the point where we try to find things that will distract us from it, or things that we think may help us to understand why we go through these constant challenges.
Don't beat yourself up about things that was never your fault to begin with. Do all you can to forgive and move on.Holding grudges only sets YOU back. Find ways to express yourself in a positive way to deal with the pain. It could be writing poetry, finding motivational speakers that went through similar situations like Oprah or Iyanla Vanzant. For me I sing a lot, it has become a habit. Most times when I was in a really low state, I would go outside under a shady tree and sing to myself.
Think about the things that everyone says you cannot do, and go out there and do it. This will give you the motivation to shut out negativity, and will teach you to motivate yourself and accomplish something when everyone else said NO!
All these things help with restoring you, because you are opening your wounds so that they can be healed. I've learnt this year that by being honest with myself,and accepting that I am not okay has helped me to come to the conclusion, that I am holding myself back if I continue to sit on my wounds. Let it be free. I am not saying let the world know your problems, but be true to yourself.
The moment you are honest with yourself, is when you start to see how you can eventually find a way to heal and what you haven't quite yet come to terms with. I know you may have heard this before, but if you think about a past relationship or situation and you are still heated or angry, news flash ladies. YOU ARE NOT OVER IT! I repeat
YOU
ARE
NOT
OVER
IT!
Do not fool yourself.You will not get over it if you don't do something about it to heal. Write down a list of people who may have hurt you in the past and burn it to symbolize that 'hey I'm finished!'.Or hit that person up and say all the things that you didn't say before, let them know how you felt, end it with 'I forgive you' and move on. It may not sound like something that will work. But once you take that big leap of faith and make the move to say I'm done. It will already be programmed in your brain 'I'm really done playing with you!' PERIOD!
Lastly forgive yourself. Yes it may not have been your fault. But remember, you did blame yourself at some point. Treat yourself right, look in the mirror and firstly apologize. Then talk about the things that you have done wrong, then forgive yourself. Express how much you love the way you were made. It may not be something that you believe but as my Daddy always says, "Fake it till you make it". Another thing he said that stuck with me is that " Never say I can't, because its a curse word". Now I always thought when he would get all negro spiritual and Confucius on me , it would be hella corny lol. But now that I think about it, when you say I can't you are in fact cursing or putting a curse on yourself. Because once those words process in your brain, you instantly start to think I can't for every little bitty thing.
Now on to anxiety, or as I will be writing it AnxIety. Now my dream was to always go to college to do a course in anything art related. Two years ago I choose Event Management. I've had a great deal of set backs, basically flunking two years of Community College back home. Then I eventually dropped out and spent a year in my parents house, with every job application being rejected, so of course I felt like an absolute failure. But eventually God came through, and got me in to a pre- college course, to eventually do my Bachelors at a University, I had my eyes set on. But in mid August, the little birdy called 'Anxiety' snuck up on me like a thief in the night. I'm telling you it was so bad, I had trouble breathing. It eventually kept going until, the day before I moved into my dorm.
When I got to the area (I live in England btw if you dont know) that would now be my new home for the next three years, I was very disappointed because it wasn't how I envisioned it to be. And yet again anxiety attacks started over again. Within the past few weeks I haven't really had them since I've settled in, but they come up from time to time.
But I got my breakthrough from watching a sermon by Steven Furtick called, 'When AnxIety attacks '. When I started watching it,I did not expect to get anything much from it. But through watching it, I found that it was meant for me. He used this example, he said that fear is the manifestation of anxiety. He said that when we have our fears and we doubt ourselves its always 'I don't know if I can' or ' I don't think I can' and that's where the down fall lies. We don't face our fears and it causes AnxIety ,and this is all because of one thing. PrIde. Notice that in both words directly in the middle, I is the letter that is present. The moment we get rid of our pride and take God's open and awaiting hand, the fears of the lion in our lives will not phase us. Yes it may be roaring and lunging at you, yes our past may be roaring and lunging at us. But once we remember God has the beast tied up and is leading us to where we need to be, we will find our healing and we will be who we really are. When I watched this God spoke to me, he said that this shy, quiet person is not who You are. You are supposed to be bold and you are supposed to be outspoken to fulfil your purpose. Ladies let us not let anxiety and pride hold of us and stop us from our restoration process.
I hope that this was useful and speaks to you guys. Don't forget to vote and comment. Until next time Queens! 🙌🏽🙏🏽👑
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