∆Little Wanderer∇ Jøshler

Quatorze

"I am all the time thinking about poetry and fiction and you." —Virginia Woolf
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The thing about falling in love with someone and realizing it is absolutely terrifying.

It's falling in love with people you can't have, people who don't see your self worth like they should, people in general.

When falling in love with someone you realize that you'd willingly give someone the power to cause as much damage as a knife to the heart.

Tyler was starting to realize that.

"Hey, Mads, you wanna hang out?"

Tyler held the phone close to his ear as he bit his lip and looked out of his apartment window at the fading skyline; the pinks and oranges coalescing nicely on the natural canvas.

"Yeah, sure, I'll be there as soon as I close up shop!"

Her high voice was loud and filled with enthusiasm as it rung though the low frequency of the device held to his right ear.

"Okay, see you soon."

He busied himself with tiding his apartment up as he waited his friend's arrival.

He fixed the Afghan blanket lying across the back of the couch and picked up his starburst wrappers from his little bingeing session early while watching Ellen.

Then the knock was heard and he scrambled to the door as fast as he could, almost slipping on the kitchen floor in his socks in the process.

"Tyler! It's been awhile, how are you?"

Tyler hugged her close as she threw her arms around the man's neck and yelled happily in his ears.

"It's only been a week," Tyler reminded her playfully as she gave him a light push.

"Whatever, so how's things with you and lover boy? Did he buy you anymore flowers with deep meanings behind them?"

Tyler blushed faintly at the mention of the older man, but shook his head.

"No, we're just friends, Madison."

Oh, but Madison was not buying it.

"Yeah, okay, and I'm related to Beyoncé."

"Madison, I'm being serious. It's not like that, ya know? He's handsome, rich, and charismatic, and well I'm just me."

Madison rolled her eyes as she waved Tyler off and took a seat on the couch, "Tyler, you doubt yourself too much."

"Well I am best friends with my doubt."

"How do you feel about Josh? I'm not asking you how you think you should feel about josh or what you believe he feels for you. What do you feel?"

Tyler flopped down in the seat beside of her as he sighed and rubbed at his face with both hands, irritating the skin until it was blotchy and red.

" I think I'm falling in love with him, but not the good kind. I know I can't have him, it's clear, but he could string me along and I would let him just to get his attention. I'm so far gone it's unhealthy and I want out. Have you ever stood on the edge of a cliff?  You feel the wind pushing you forwards as if it's telling you to free fall to a place of no worries or stress? The dangers known draw you closer to the edge until you feel the mixed feeling of excitement and fear run through you blood as your mind runs wild, yet stands completely still.  I don't know, maybe it's just me, but fear is what I live off of. I live off the rushing feeling of the unknown, but at the same time I know how deadly that habit is."

"So Josh makes you feel like you want to jump off of a cliff?"

Tyler just laughed as he shook his head lightly and looked up to his ceiling with a small smile.

"No Josh is the fear and peace of something alluringly dangerous."

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A/n

I forgot about this fic tbh, but if you're still reading this I love you.

Merry Christmas
(If you celebrate!)

I love you my lil' spookies💞

👽Stay • Alive💀

-Becca🌸