Blue Moon

43) Some Evenings

I find myself

again

at the kitchen table

and I find myself

staring out at the black

beyond rainy glass

(why does it never stop raining here?)

the wind was howling and my door was going shh, thud, shh, thud, the window was ajar and I heard the rain patter, splatter, carried by the wind-

I hear storm and I see tears outside

and I wonder why the dark sets in so sleepily but so easily and I can't see that-

it's all the same

as it was when I left it in the daytime.

Where I left it, it's still the same

But then it's all different like before, familiar

Blue fingers on collar bones

And silk whispers in ears

I feel you.

It's all the same as it was a few months ago

when the dark was threaded through my every thought

the only difference being that a Christmas tree stands in the corner

and the lights aglow, I do not sit in silence,

I sit and write instead.

But some evenings, I sit at the kitchen table

and I look out at the fading day,

silencieuse, je respire, j'arrête et je respire, j'attend (je n'arrête jamais d'attendre) et je respire, calme. C'est silencieuse ici.

I take it in, I breathe it

I hear you wandering about my head, lost soul

Lost ghost, moaning

Muffled, I forgot to pay attention-

I see you in every shutter of blinking eyes and every missed second from blinking, sleeping, I see you in the tapping of my fingers, and the slight movement of my chest as my heart goes thump, thump, thump, trying to beat its way out of my chest.

and I feel you in my lungs because

breathing feels so foreign

from time to time.

(22nd December 2013)