Blue Moon

57) school f***ing drags.

did i manage

to drown

that half of me

out?

i am trying

hard

harder than

ever,

harder than

have i ever before

tried hard to float

this way.

simone and i

get home from school

and we curse it

and cuss it out

tell of day

of sitting

and watching

and acting

like we're listening

like we care.

simone says

she fucking hates it

and i say

i'm so fucking tired

and we cuss some more

and then go through

how disappointed

we are.

and how angry

we are.

then mum says

she's tired of us complaining

simone rolls her eyes

walks away

swears

mum raises her voice

says, she's fed up

of simone swearing

and complaining

and for a bit

i am too.

school

makes me lose my appetite

for learning

and simone

always reminds me

how dumb i am

in comparison to her

i'm not sure

if it bothers me

that much

anymore.

they're so stupid

and even the teachers

seem so stupid

i (we) have an attitude problem

is what they say.

ellie and i

listen to chopin and beethoven

and debussy and shostakovich

in the media hut

at lunch, and she plays

moonlight sonata

and clair de lune from time to time

on the piano

and then we share our love

of the gymnopedies  

and soothe ourselves some.

ellie says

she just wants to leave now

and i agree

she says

sometimes she is so angry

and i understand

and we snap pencils

and scribble and rip paper

and then ellie cried

that one time

she is so good

i hope she loves herself.

(7th February 2014)