When I'm Talking To You (COMPLETED)

Ch. 19

Kellin's POV

*This chapter is 50 shades of fucked up. You've been warned.*

I sat on my bathroom floor crying and laughing hysterically to a bottle of vodka.

Why am I like this?

I chugged the remainder of vodka which left a burning sensation in my throat, but pain is pain and I need more.

I looked for my box of blades that I packed with me.

"Found it." I slurred to myself after digging through my suitcase.

I went back to the bathroom and tore apart my wrist. I looked down at the blood that was now dripping to the floor.

"So pretty" I whispered to myself.

I heard pounding on the front door and someone screaming my name. Why does everyone have to ruin my fun.

I grabbed a handful of pills and shoved them down my throat right before I heard the hotel door open.

"KELLIN OPEN THE DOOR." I heard Vic shout while pounding on the bathroom door.

"Maybe I'm better off dead." I started whisper singing to myself. I'm pretty sure I've lost my mind but I'm pretty sure I don't need it in the afterlife.

"If I was, would it finally be enough"

"To shut out all the voices in my head"

"Maybe I'm better off dead, better off dead." I sang a bit louder through a fit of sobs.

"Kellin please open the door.." Vic said.

"Did you hear a word, hear a word I said" I said directed towards Vic.

Vic managed to break the door open and he started yelling at me.

Everything was starting to get blurry, Vic was on the phone calling an ambulance and I could finally feel the pills kicking in.

"This is not where I belong, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone." I whispered.

I was struggling to keep my eyes open. Is this what dying feels like?

"Kellin hang on for me please." Vic begged but I barely heard him.

I could feel myself letting go. At least I'll finally be happy.

~Two day time skip~

I woke up to the sounds of beating and an uncomfortable bed, once again. Anyways I'm awake which means I've failed. Again. Pathetic right?

I look over to see Vic curled up on the plastic chairs fast asleep. A nurse came in and asked how I was doing, I said fine and she sad she'd be back in a moment.

Vic woke up and stared at me for a long time with sad tired eyes.

"Why Kellin? Why." He finally asked.

I shrugged and said, "If you were me you'd do the same."

"I thought I lost you, I can't lose another one." He began sobbing.

"What do you mean anoth-" I was interrupted by the nurse coming back in the room.

"Hi sweetie do you know why you're here." She asked kindly.

"Well I'm not here for shots I know that for sure." I chuckled dryly.

She stared at me, unimpressed.

"Yes I know why I'm here." I mumbled. Jeez I was just trying to lighten things up.

"From our recorded it states that you've been admitted for suicide attempts before in Michigan. Is that correct." She asked.

Vic shot me a glare and I stayed silent for a few minutes.

"Yes that's correct." I mumbled. Vic shot me another glare.

The nurse sighed, "Look kids today's Halloween and I don't want to keep you guys here." She said then looked over at Vic, "Is he gonna be alright?" She asked him.

"Yes, I'll watch over him." He said.

"Alright let me get the discharge papers." The nurse said and left the room.

"What did you mean by another one?" I whispered to Vic.

"My uh..my sister, Taylor, committed suicide about two years ago. The sad thing is that I didn't get to say goodbye. My mom left and took Tay with her when I was about 12. I thought I was going to lose you Kells and I don't want that." He said with tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Wait.. Taylor Jardine?" I asked.

"Yeah but is that seriously all you got out of that?" he said.

"Tay was my bestfriend." I whispered loud enough for him to hear.

The nurse comes in the the papers and hands them to Vic. "Sign these and you'll be ready to go." she says and walks out.

I went to get changed.

"Cmon Alex and Jack are waiting outside for us." Vic said. I nodded and followed him outside to the car.

We got in the car and I saw Alan sitting in the back seat.

"Hey you alright buddy?" Alex asked me.

"Yeah I'm...better." I said.

"Alan.." I said. He ignores me for a good ten minutes.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? LIKE PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU KELLIN. I CARE ABOUT YOU. I MEAN VIC MIGHT NOT OR YOU PARENTS BUT WHO GIVES A FUCK. YOU'RE NOT ALONE KELLIN AND YOU NEED TO REALIZE THAT. YOU PROMISED ME KELLIN. YOU PROMISED ME THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. Y-YOU PROMISED M-ME." He yelled. Everyone seemed taken back by his sudden outburst but I wasn't. I was expecting it.

"Walk a mile in my shoes Al, maybe then you'd understand." I muttered.

"I'd walk 500 miles to know what goes on in that pretty little head of yours." I heard Vic mumbled to himself. I don't think I was supposed to hear that.

"GUYS IT'S HALLOWEEN YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. WE'RE ALL GONNA GET FUCKED UP DRUNK TONIGHT" Jack yells in excitement.

"I'm already fucked up enough." I mutter causing Alan to smack the back of my head.

"Enough with the depressing shit. You're gonna have to live at least once in your life and that's not gonna happen if you're gonna be such a downer." Alan said.

"He's right Kell, loosen up a bit. Tonight is gonna be fun." Alex said.

"Fine fine." I chuckled.

"Vic, text Mike and tell him to get some liquor. Alan, text Tony and Austin and tell them to get junk food. Me Kells and Alex will take care of the games and movies." Jack is actually being responsible for once.

"It is going to be one hell of a night." I said.

"Damn right Kellin." Alex chuckled.

I knew right then and there that these are the kind of people I need in my life.

A/N: This is probably going to end in like 5-6 chapters. There will be a sequel though.