Destiny

Chapter 1- Past Strings

I don't think it was possible to feel any more remorse than I was enduring right now. It was my Sam's wedding. I corrected myself remembering that he was not mine anymore.
Emily- my cousin was getting married to him today. The situation could have been the happiest event of my life if I had switched places with her and unfortunately that was not going to happen ever.

I knew this fact wasn't going to ever change but that wasn't helping me from getting over the pangs of pain I felt every moment I thought about it .
I think it could - I wasn't still sure - could have been easier for me if Sam had imprinted on someone else other than Emily. Did it have to be her if not me? My closest cousin and friend with whom I bared my entire feelings.

And as though to make the situation worse, I was to be the bridesmaid. It was our tribal tradition that I was not to break. However, both Sam and Emily and I'm pretty much sure, the others too disapproved this.

I had thought the moment he had imprinted on her, I hated both of them but of course not. Apart from the agony that I felt , I still loved them.

Emily had been the person who understood me thoroughly and always stood by my side and also one I had trusted. Sam - well I pondered on how best to describe him. He was my everything. My first love who had loved me more than anyone else.
And just because he broke up with me to marry another girl didn't change the fact that I  still loved him.

I just shouldn't be here and yet I was rooted on spot clutching the table edge as I watched Emily get ready. Damn!! That white gown looked gorgeous on her with her crow black hair tied in an complimenting bun with a few loose strands framing her pretty face .

A high pitch childish giggle made me avert my eyes from her. It belonged the three year old Claire who was now running across the room ready to pounce herself on Emily's lap and just then my mom stepped into her path seizing her by the shoulder probably worried that she might ruffle her gown.

My mom had never spoken any words of comfort to me about this wedding and I was thankful for that. She knew me well. She simply helped Emily with her gown and hair, while peeking up at me once or twice.

Emily smiled at Claire warmly and I don't think I could smile at anyone like that anymore, not after I felt my soul rip apart .

It was good to have Claire around as it avoided awkward silence. She laughed often with no reason and continued playing around, bouncing up and down with the tiny pebbles in her palm that Quil had given her.

My mom called Claire to fit her in a dress and both walked away creating an eerie awkward silence in the room. I stood there still as a statue, turning the wheels of my head, trying to recall the last time I had spoken to Emily. It came as a shock when I realized I really couldn't remember. Well it was obviously when I was still a human and that was a year ago.

Emily cleared her throat and I knew why. She obviously wanted to start a conversation and I suddenly prayed for my mom and Claire to reappear but that was going to take some time as Claire wasn't happy with dress and wanted a similar gown as Emily's. I caught the conversation with my werewolf senses.

Emily was now looking at me now opening her mouth to utter whatever that was going on in her head.
"I'm sorry " she whispered at last.
I didn't have to ask her to know why. She felt guilty for everything that was happening to me.
And suddenly, I felt warmth coursing through me. It was nice to hear her speak to me after a long while but at the same time I didn't want her to feel sorry for me now on her wedding. I had forgiven her a long time ago . She opened her mouth once again maybe to elaborate what she had just said since I hadn't replied anything yet and so I cut her off. " Don't " I said, raising my hand. "I'm not angry with you - not anymore." Licking my lips, I continued, "It's not your fault!"

It was good to let her know that. I felt little light hearted when I saw her eyes widen and then relax.
"Nothing's going to change what happened, so why not embrace it ?"
I couldn't believe what I had just told. I didn't want her big day getting spoiled because of me.
Emily smiled gratefully at me and turned back to the mirror, deep in thoughts. 

" I'm happy for you Emily." I said after a long glance at her, and I meant it and felt she should know it.

We waited silently, when Emily's dad entered the room and hugged her tightly. 
"I wish your mom was here Em." he whispered. When he drew back I noticed his face. He looked worried and stressed, with a crease between his eyebrows and yet there was a smile lighting up his face. Looking at them together reminded me of my own dad and I missed him a lot.

My mom reappeared with Claire and together we descended down the stairs. I picked up Claire in my arms and she fell silent at once making me guess that she was scared of me and I smiled. I was too insane to get offended.

No sooner had I reached the last step when Quil came rushing to take Claire from me which she seemed glad about. I rolled my eyes.
Quil who was just a year or so younger than me had imprinted on Claire when she was only two years old. We were all shell shocked about it back then. Quil wasn't getting any older so it was fine and after many years they would end up like Sam and Emily.

I walked beside my mom who went to stand beside Seth and Jacob. My body seemed to gain ten pounds with every step I took. Emily descended at last gripping her dads arm tightly. She blushed at the sight of everyone gawking at her including me.

Her eyes scanned the room until it fell upon him and at the same time my head snapped in his direction and my breath was caught .

As expected, he had eyes only for her and I tried to snap my head back but it was impossible because it was the first time I saw him in a tuxedo. He looked stunning, standing tall and  handsome. But now as I watched him admire Emily's each and every tiny detail I shut my eyes and almost swayed as though disconnected from the body. I felt a hand press on my shoulder and opened my eyes questioningly at Jacob.

His eyes offered pity that I loathed. 'Leave.' he mouthed. I opened my mouth not sure on what to say. Maybe I was worried what everyone would think if I left the wedding but I didn't care. Slowly, I drifted out of the hall trying to avoid the stares but I felt only one that followed me all the way till I was at the door and that was my mom's.

Once I was out, the fresh breeze helped me revive my thoughts. I phased not bothering about my pretty dress that I knew I would not need anymore. I was sure attending weddings and parties was way down the list. With all the werewolf boys attending the wedding, my head was clear, a privacy I desperately needed. I belonged to Jacob 's pack and I owed him my life for accepting me.

Werewolves could read each others mind when they were in their wolf form and I couldn't bear to share Sam's thoughts when I had been in his pack as he mostly thought about Emily. And hence I joined Jacob's pack though I hated him back then. And now, we were close friends.

Jacob had said me to leave the wedding but I wondered if I could leave them all. Of course it was impossible to get away from a pack as we shared telepathic connection but that was when I was in Sam's pack. I would have to share only Jacob's and Seth- my brother's thoughts in my wolf form.

The thought made me shiver with anxiety and I lunged forward past the deep woods with a new burst of energy. I had to ask Jacob what he thought about me leaving La Push. Apart from the fact that he was the alpha , he was a great friend who truly understood what I was going through as he himself had been in my situation once. So there was no doubt he would agree with me.

I paused digging my paws in the muddy ground beneath me and stood silently trying to clear all thoughts except one - that I was leaving La Push - my home as well as hell.

I recalled seeing Sam at the wedding. I concentrated on his face as I realized that it was the last time I'd see him. Once I leave La Push, I was sure I wasn't coming back. The thought brought tremendous amount of pain but I was holding on to the little, tiny corner of my heart which felt relieved to be free at last.