Flicker, Fade ⧫ Kellic / Ryden / Jardougall / Jalex

6 :: headspace

[january 24th]

: i've been listening to third eye blind and only third eye blind for so many hours i love their self titled album i would die for stephan jenkins who's taking back sunday i have moved on i have set my sights on a new band say goodbye to tidal wave it's 2017 and we are breaking out albums from 1997 life is GOOD

anyways this song is headspace by the wombats and i love them and this chapter is short because it's one that i wrote in like the summer of 2015 and i didn't know what to do with it so i edited it up and here it is for your viewing pleasure. try to enjoy, i suppose.

i used to run, run, run

until my knees gave way

i used to wrestle with bears

and kiss poisonous snakes

i didn't care, they scratch and they bite,

i didn't care

Ryan's alarm clock went off at five thirty every single morning without fail. And it wasn't the perfect setup because her roommate, a girl named Lynn, thrived off of sleep and would throw a fit if she didn't get at least nine hours of sleep. Yet it wasn't surprising that Ryan's alarm didn't wake Lynn up because once she fell asleep, it was significantly harder to wake her up. Ryan liked to think that she was like a bear hibernating when she fell asleep. Lynn never denied it. So then maybe it was the perfect setup and Ryan just didn't know what she was talking about, but never really got enough sleep and it was probably all because of Gee Way and perhaps it was because of her persistent work ethic but she was alive and healthy enough so sleep could come second, or even third, to other parts of her life.

Ryan had spent the previous night talking to Gee about life while drinking from her friend's abundant supply of Honest Tea. Gee and Frank were big Honest Tea fans. There was a feud going on at Under the Sun, the record store that they worked at, about which was better: Honest Tea or Arizona Tea. Pete and Patrick were on team Arizona while Gee and Frank were wholehearted defenders of Honest Tea. Ryan liked Honest Tea but didn't share her opinion due to a fear of what Pete would say to her if she announced it. Maybe it was also because she had never seen Patrick angry before and didn't want to just because of her opinions on certain brands of iced tea. 

Even though she had stayed up late, she didn't care that she was woken up by the bothersome sound of her alarm. The blaring of her phone actually relieved her, because every morning was a relief, a fresh start. 

She got to run.

And running was what kept her somewhat same, she loved every part of it and wouldn't give it up for anything. She had always liked it, earlier on. It had all started with Girls on the Run in 6th grade, in which she had run a 5k and realized that she absolutely loved the feel of running, the sore feeling in her muscles, the happiness she got from it.

But things had changed for the worse and it was only her freshman year of high school that she had gotten back into it. It had started with a three mile run every few weekends. The first few times, she had thrown up. 

Throwing up was now only a problem if she ate before running and now autopilot was kicking in because she knew exactly what to do without having to stop for one second to consider what to do. The routine in the morning was familiar and comforting, and sometimes she wondered what life would be like if everything had to change again.

So Ryan changed her clothes, filled up a water bottle, left her room, and walked down to the track while thinking about what Brendon was doing right at that exact moment. She assumed he would be asleep, and smiled when she thought of his stupid self asleep. He was an ugly sleeper in an extremely cute way. Brendon's dark brown hair would always end up pressed against a pillow or the side of his bed, looking spiky and unbalanced. Sometimes he would have his mouth open, leading to drool ending up on whatever surface his face was squished on. Ryan appreciated Brendon much more than she should have, because she wasn't always repaid with the same feelings that she sent out.