Flicker, Fade ⧫ Kellic / Ryden / Jardougall / Jalex

9 :: talk (&)

[february 26th]

: i'm seeing panic! again in like 4 days this time i'm going to meet kenny harris you all had better believe me. it's happening. i am going to be at the venue at 3:45 sharp and i will wait for 3 hours and watch a band i don't care about and a band i very lowkey listen to play and then kenny harris will take the stage.

i will attempt to throw my bra and someone will remind me that i am not at an all time low show. brendon will come down to my face level and i will spit at him. while they play i constantly thank god for esteban, kenny harris will come down to me and give me a high five. i will proceed to take a selfie with him. i will write my instagram username on his hand. later on, he will follow me. they proceed to play all of fever and pretty. odd. ryan appears and kicks brendon really hard in the shins. me and kenny smile at each other as if we share an inside joke. at the end of the show, i dash backstage and hug him. he smells like licorice. i am superior.

(song is talk by coldplay)

so you don't know where you're going

and you wanna talk

and you feel like you're going

where you've been before

you tell anyone who'll listen

but you feel ignored

nothing's really making any sense at all

let's talk, let's talk

"Turn that shit off."

Vic had been listening to music and music had never been a big deal. It was late at night and Jaime was smoking and everything was good and calm for once. Vic had wanted to go outside because earlier in the day he could have almost tasted the snow in the air; he loved feeling the cold, loved breathing it and feeling it slowly make his hands slow down and his breathing speed up to keep himself warm, and it was even colder at night which was better and maybe even going for a walk might have made him happy and Jaime knew all of this, but absolutely refused to go outside. San Diego had never been cold and at least it felt like home here, but all he could do was pretend that he was actually in charge of his own world.

Which he wasn't, really, not at all. So.

So they had fucked and Vic hadn't enjoyed any part of it but if Jaime did then it didn't matter how Vic felt. Of course. And then they had hung around in the hazy light while Jaime smoked and they talked about life. Everything had been okay, Vic hadn't said anything wrong for once, and then he had asked if he could put on music. And Jaime said "sure," which was surprising, because he barely let Vic do what he asked for. So Vic had put some music on and about two minutes into a song, Jaime had protested.

So Vic turned it off but he also sort of shut himself down, tuned out of his body and locked up his emotions because Jaime was probably going to start something. It never took long, because Jaime had tried to kiss Vic or something stupid like that, and Vic had pulled away. And then it had all gone to shit. Statements spat like- "why did you do that?" "am I doing something wrong, because I think it's just you." "is it because of the music?" "are you acting like a fucking child because I asked you to turn off the music?" And Vic turned his head farther away, moving to get up, and then everything had really gone to shit.

When he was younger, he had never known when to stop. He would be sarcastic and throw around comments that he knew were going to get him in trouble. And voices would be raised higher and higher until whoever was doing the shouting reached that scratchy range of scary and then, well, when someone's voice reaches the scratchy range of scary, then it's sort of a known thing that something has gone very wrong.