Flicker, Fade ⧫ Kellic / Ryden / Jardougall / Jalex

8 :: nutshell

[february 16th]

: hi i'm really stressed and sort of sad i'm not sure how to multiply or divide radicals yet my shitty teachers are putting it on our test even though they haven't taught us it. we have 2 (two) math teachers in the class and neither of them can be bothered to even make sure that we understand what we're learning. i hate them.

anyways the song is nutshell by alice in chains. very sad. very great. check it out.

my gift of self is raped

my privacy is raked

and yet i find, and yet i find

repeating in my head

if i can't be my own

i'd feel better dead

Ryan was in P.E class, where everyone was supposed to run laps for all of class due to their teacher being behind on some of the work he had to get done, which prompted his lazy self to make his students run around the gym for the entire block. It was true physical education.

Running wasn't something Ryan had trouble with, and anyone who had walked by the track on any given morning would have realized that too; running was the one thing that Ryan could do easily, without any concentration. And yet there she was, already out of breath and flustered from four laps around the gym. She knew what was wrong and was going to do absolutely nothing about it because there was nothing to do about it, but she knew that the coach would shout at her for walking, he was doing it to everyone, and she didn't want that either because the faster she ran the more everything hurt, god, it was such a terrible mess.

Debating what to do in her head, Ryan knew the easy way out of the situation, but she wasn't going to take it. She never would. Instead, she started running again, going at a slow pace but it hurt and she knew that it wasn't right but, again, there was nothing she could do about it except give up. The coach kept looking up from time to time to shout at certain people to speed up and to stop talking to their friends, normal stuff like that. Ryan glanced up, gathering ideas as she saw Kellin limping around the gym in front of her. So she sped up, attempting to ignore the biting pain in her ribs that was getting harder and harder to ignore.

"Follow me," she hissed at Kellin as she ran by him, breaking into a full on sprint that went completely unnoticed by the coach as she sped across the gym.

The pain was so sharp now that Ryan couldn't actually properly breathe, and when she got to the small space behind the bleachers, she collapsed onto the floor.

The bleachers in the gym were folded up against the wall and were taken down for sports games and certain ceremonies, but were always kept up against the wall during gym class. The previous year, Brendon had found the little space behind the bleachers while chasing a stray volleyball, and had managed to sneak Ryan, their friend Jon, and sometimes Lynn back behind the bleachers to play cards and trade gossip. It had been fun, and they hadn't been caught, so Ryan found no reason not to invite Kellin back there as it was obvious that both of them were having trouble running and would much rather sit and talk to each other than put themselves through more torture out in the gym.

Kellin took longer than she expected to show up, and Ryan had even began to worry that he hadn't heard her and she would have to sit by herself in the back, which she didn't like, but he finally made it.

"Jesus," he panted, "christ." Ryan nodded in agreement, although the two words weren't really a statement, though they could easily be agreed with. Kellin sat down heavily, running his hands over his sweaty face. Ryan was still hunched over, her hands wrapped around her chest. The pair sat in silence for a while, catching their breath.