Flicker, Fade ⧫ Kellic / Ryden / Jardougall / Jalex

13 :: family name (&)

[march 19th]

: for once, i don't have very much to say here. again, apologies about the next two chapters. they're the peak of sadness. it only gets better from there. oh right also i'm updating this a lot now because i am not done writing it, but i'm really really really close to finishing. i have a chapter and a half left. it's a little scary.

this song is family name by trophy eyes and LISTEN they are so underrated they're so great they make sort of punky music and their new album is like 4000/100 it's so good they sound a bit like the story so far but less poppy. amazing. 

i've had a hard time with my reflection

you think i don't suit it, but i think i'm broken

the fingerprint smudge on the family portrait

but i guess someone has to be the disappointment

There is always a point in a party where you have ended up sat somewhere by yourself, maybe looking at your phone or maybe picking at the chips you picked up from the table that got shitty crumbs on your pants that weren't even good. Although he said that he wouldn't, Vic had gone and abandoned Kellin as soon as everyone had gone around and said how thankful they were for everything and then it had been like someone had yelled "hike" at a football game and everyone had broken to go get food or talk to someone. So Vic had been whisked away by all of his anxious fans while Kellin had been left sitting in a chair in the corner of the room with a plate full of food that he didn't want to throw away and didn't want to eat.

The sad thing was, he really wanted to eat it. In the end, he did. And then he had been dragged into a conversation with Ryan and Patrick so then he had eaten more when Ryan had gotten food and then Ryan had left him for a bit so he had just sat back where he had been before and ate and watched. In all honesty, he was acting stupid and could interact with people if he wanted to because even if he did have anxiety, it wasn't a major social thing with people he knew and no one was paying attention to him anyways, so that was that and he was probably just acting stupid. It didn't help that Jack and Alex had hightailed it back to Baltimore as soon as break started, because Kellin was getting the feeling that at least Jack would have tried to talk to him.

In the end, it was Tay Jardine that saved him. He saw her but didn't, really, whenever he got to properly thinking his eyes always focused on everything but didn't process what was happening, so mechanically ate and stared into space while Tay approached him. Hearing his name snapped him out of his daze, and he blinked and focused on Tay's worried looking face.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey." He echoed.

"Want to get out of here?" She asked.

"Yeah."

-------

Tay had found Ryan somewhere along the way to the little balcony that Patrick and Pete were very lucky to have, and had told Kellin that Ryan was drunk except that Ryan was not drunk and didn't drink and probably wouldn't ever and Kellin knew what drunk looked like and smelled like and Ryan wasn't drunk, not at all, they were just high.

"How much did you smoke?" Kellin asked once they were all sat down safely on the balcony with not much risk of falling through or under the barrier to the dark street below.

"One. Blunt. I'm fine. Frank brought so much fucking weed that they're all going to die if they smoke it all. They are as fried as chicken." Ryan answered, looking at the hazy sky. "I feel terrible, though. Can we get serious?" They asked, swallowing hard.

"Yeah," Tay answered, drawing her knees up to her chest. No one ever protested to getting serious because everyone always had something to say that they wouldn't be brave enough to bring up otherwise.