Hey it's the end. Hi. Well it's the ending after party of tears and misery. I guess I started writing this with topics that I hadn't read anything about, such as: Nonbinary characters, characters with interests other than music and self loathing, eating disorders other than anorexia, depression actually being realistic, recovery, and other things that go with that general theme. I wrote about a lot of stuff that isn't written about enough.
At some point in the story, I said that these characters were all made out of my insecurities / stuff that goes on in my life. So, here. I wrote these characters with a lot of my own issues in mind.
Jack: I always comfort people and try my very very best to be there for the people that I love, but sometimes I feel like they don't always love me back. I'm a lot of my friends' go to person for advice but there's times where no one wants to give me any when I'm having problems too.
Kellin: I honestly beat up Kellin so badly in this mainly because I was just transferring all of the scars I wanted to create onto my body to his. And sometimes I really, really, really hate myself. And sometimes I want to kill myself. And I get really sad a lot. We're a lot alike.
Vic: Vic's whole life had kind of been broken up into a series of points where he was always getting hurt by someone, and I'm not being actively hurt by someone, but I do often feel like everything is falling apart because there is so much screaming and yelling and breaking things in my house.
Ryan: I love to run. Ryan loves to run. I love photography. Ryan loves photography. I fucking hate my boobs. Ryan fucking hates their boobs. We are one.
Jenna: Jenna is just the excited, weird, hyper part of my personality that I tend to hate more than I should. I just let her go crazy. She's precious and I love her.
Tay: Tay's family is messier than mine but sometimes I can only stand one person in my entire family and her person died and I hope to god that mine won't anytime soon.
So that's fun. You know what wasn't fun? Writing this. I cried a lot, I smiled a lot, I deleted a lot, and I re-wrote a lot. I started writing this in the summer of 2015. Like, when me and Una first started talking again. Like, when I didn't even know that Broccoli existed. Like, when I had gone to San Francisco and I saw this park (Alamo Square) and started the story there, where Jack and Alex danced. And at first it was just Kellin and Vic but then I decided to go crazy and I just put every single thing I could manage in here, I fucked with everyone, wrote about everything, and took this places I really wasn't sure of.
Yet, I'm proud of it. Two years in the making, this thing could be a real novel. I write this in my head to fall asleep, work out my characters when I'm bored, there's so much behind every character that it takes nothing to come up with things for it.
I'm okay with it being done. Some of this is still sort of juvenile, and I have lots and lots and lots of other stories I want to be able to get through. I've been hanging onto this for years and years. I promised it up before December for Broccoli (and myself,) so-
Started writing: August 15th, 2015
Posted: November 30th, 2016
Ended writing: April 2nd, 2017
Final post: May 7th, 2017 (that's today!! this is so weird!!!)
But honestly, I'm still going to keep writing it in my head. I've created twenty two chaotic and miserable chapters of this and that is fully enough, but it'll never really end for me. Thank you to anyone who read it. Thanks especially to Una for reading and commenting on every chapter, and to Broccoli for sort of tricking/forcing/guilt tripping me into posting it. They started hearing about this back in 8th grade and got absolutely no details on it, and I finally got the courage to post it in the November of 9th grade.
Really, thanks to everybody.
And listen, I've wanted to kill myself. I've cut too deep and stayed up all night changing bandages because I really didn't know what else to do or if I could tell anyone who could help me. Somehow, I've gotten somewhat better from hurting myself that badly. I'm not fully recovered, but I know that it is possible. If you're going through shit, just keep going. You're not alone, and there is always a way to get help.
- Suicide hotline: 1-800-273- (TALK) 8255
- Cutting / self injury: 1-800- 366-8288
- Eating disorders: 1-800-931-2237
- Rape / sexual abuse: 1-800-656- (HOPE) 4673
- Trevor project (LGBT+): 1-866-488-7386
These are all for the USA, but there are always online chat services (imalive.org is a good one) and you can look up the numbers for your country. If you know someone who is going through something, please try to help them out. And know that there are always people willing to help you out. You've got this.
HEY also I forgot to mention this but I've got this Ryden that I'll be posting as my next fic. It's called Ghost Towns In The Ocean and it's the most well written thing I've ever created and I don't know when it'll be up but I'm excited about it and I'll try to start posting it sometime semi-soon.
I'm so damn emotional right now. I hope you tried to enjoy. Stay safe, and stay strong.
YOU ARE READING
Flicker, Fade ⧫ Kellic / Ryden / Jardougall / Jalex
Fanfiction- In which a group of kids at a boarding school have no idea what they're doing with their lives and are all on the somewhat same level of confusion and apathy for everything. It doesn't help that everyone's got some sort of mystery to them. Tay dis...
