(A/N I don’t want to offend anyone touchy subject, warning do was to make anyone feel down..)
*Holly*
So it’s been about a week since both Jess and Dan went under, I'm not right at all to be honest I feel worse, today is my appointment with the councillor and to be honest I'm so scared I don’t know if I'm ready to open up to someone I don’t know. Glen’s been let out of hospital early because of the circumstances. We are all sat in Jess and Dan’s I haven’t spoken to anyone really in a week Glens mum has Had Harry she understood why. I only came in here because Glen did, everyone has tried reaching out and I just want to cry every time they mention Harry I just want to break down I feel like I've let him down I feel as If I've failed as a mum I feel like I shouldn’t be privileged as the title of mum I don’t deserve it. I feel bed because all I've done the past week is stare and just listen to what’s going on around me it’s like my mind can’t register to reply to anyone, makes me feel worse. Just as I'm sat here listening to what they are all saying when they mention Harry again for the 100th time today I just break/crack.
Mark: why don’t you have Harry?
Holly: OK I GET IT, I've LET HIM DOWN STOP GOING ON ABOUT HIM I KNOW IE FAILED YOU DON’T HAVE TO KEEP ON REMINDING ME THAT I'M A BAD MOTHER EBCAUSE I ALREADY KNOW OK I KNOW I SHOULD BE DEAD I KNOW OK I KNOW.
Then I just lose it I break down on the floor crying my heart ok, that’s the most emotion I've let run free in the past week I've bottled it all up and held it in, and I can’t tell you now that letting that out like that didn’t help at all, because now I regret shouting at them because I know they meant nothing by it but my mind, my mind thought otherwise and I don’t know why my head is deceiving me I don’t understand it. I just sit and cry on the floor cry and cry is all I've wanted to do and now it’s happening.
Holly: WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ME, I NEED HELP GLEN HELP ME PLEASE I CANT GO ON LIKE THIS PLEASE GLEN
Glen: Babe please your, scaring me get up please
Holly: i-I'm scaring m-myself, THIS ISNT ME PLEASE
Jessie: Babe listen to me sit up please come on talk to us
Holly: no Jess I've let everyone down I've let the two people said I’d never let down,. Down
Mark: Who
Holly: H-Harry and G-Glen, I've failed so badly and I cant get out of the shit I've got myself into
Glen: Baby, sweet heart you’ve done no such thing me and Harry both love you
Holly: you have to say that though, I have what mother leaves there kid for a week because they cant cope, Glen my head can’t cope with this
Glen: do you know how much this is breaking me in half seeing you like this babe I don’t understand why you feel like your not safe I don’t know, I mean all I've ever done is tried to make you and Harry feel safe and loved, I mean do I not do that for you?
Holly: Glen that’s the point I'm making the last month is what has done this to me before I felt safe now I feel insecure.
Then I think Danny noticed my sleeves must have been um a tad oh no that was the last thing I wanted them to notice please don’t tell me the expression on his face meant. Oh yeah it did. Shit.
Danny: Oh no Holly No No No Holly why?
Holly: I don’t know what you mean, sorry Dan?
I had to play dumb I couldn’t let that happen I couldn’t, not that Dan saying this would set the others off or anything.
