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Kat
"What thoughts have your pretty little head spinning, Kat?"
Luke's soft voice distracts me from my unhealthy overthinking. Normally, his voice would've caused me to focus intently only on whatever he may say. Today, however, so much confusion and so many thoughts won't let me rest.
The AP test is tomorrow and to say I'm nervous is a fucking understatement. Even though Ashton and I studied all weekend and the last few nights, that isn't stopping me from contemplating my imminent horrific failure.
I am prepared, I know it. I don't feel prepared, I'm certain of it. How can both be true? Anxiety is the answer to that.
My dad had left for his trip on Saturday, and my sister is coming down this weekend after prom. My stomach drops from the very possibility of the disappointments that I would give my parents while she shares her college stories with them. Her boyfriend, her job, her plans for life in general. Meanwhile, I'm stuck somewhere in between wanting to be a cartoonist and a writer. Neither of these paths are set in stone, and ninety percent of those who travel them, fail.
I'm terrified of facing failure. Fucking terrified.
Additionally, Ashton is worrying me. He's been clingy, and super defensive of me since the incident at Michael's house with Luke. I know it's my fault. I made him worry. I didn't let him know I was okay. He's acting as if I'm shattered glass and he's struggling to glue the pieces back in their proper place.
Why am I so fucking fragile?
As much as I appreciate the attention from Ashton, it still causes me guilt and anger. I may be clumsy, scared, and naïve, but I don't need Ashton to keep me stable in every single aspect of my life. In many aspects, sure, I do love the support he gives me. However, if supporting me ends up hurting him, some things will have to change.
"Honestly? Lots of shit, Luke. Too fucking many to interpret right now." I weakly chuckle, not knowing why he stopped me outside of class anyway. Even though we've been talking and hanging out together, I don't feel confident in the fact that we're friends. I'm too awkward and he's too suave.
"I'm sorry to hear that, love. If it's any condolence, I often find myself overthinking as well." He shrugs, a curl falling in front of his eye as he does so, causing him to let out a huff of annoyance. He tucks the loose piece of hair behind his ear, waiting for me to say something.
I pause for a moment, knowing for sure I'm not going to open up to him. At least not all the way, yet. I haven't ever done so with anyone, besides Ashton of course.
