Skyfall ☾Flarke AU [SLOW UPDATES]

27; losing my mind, losing control

[A/N: Hey all, so I just thought I should let you know that this chapter contains things that could be triggering for some people, but I haven't been getting into details or anything. And you may find it really dark, but everything will be explained next chapter. Happy reading!]

"A dark world aches for a splash of the sun" — Young The Giant

Monday, 3:40 PM

Finn sat down on top of a reversed bucket, unconsciously drumming his fingers with a rhythmic pace on his laps. He watched as Clarke slowly walked back and forth in the barn, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear every once in a while. She had not pronounced a single word ever since they had stepped in the barn, and he wasn't sure what to expect from her.

But after a while, she finally decided to speak. "I can't keep pretending that everything's fine, or that nothing will ever get better between the two of us. I..." her voice broke, but she decided to keep talking. "I need you, Finn..."

Pain washed all over his body when she spoke, and he closed his eyes in attempt of holding tears back in. It couldn't be true, nobody needed him... and certainly not Clarke, the strong and selfless girl he fell in love with. And even if she did, he didn't deserve her.

"Please... say something..." she begged, struggling to hold in a sob.

"You don't need me!" Finn shouted as he suddenly got up from the bucket, feeling his fists clench. Of course he didn't plan to act this way, but he needed to get out of here before he would give in and crash his lips on hers. Because that's all he wanted to do, he wanted to feel her closer, taste her lips and feel her soft hands underneath his shirt just like their first time. But, that couldn't happen. Maybe he had some sort of bad influence on her, and maybe she just thought she needed him, when she actually really didn't. To be alone was the only thing he deserved, he had decided.

As she heard his words, Clarke felt her jaw drop a little, more tears accumulating in her eyes. She didn't know what to answer, what to do. But it hurt so badly, and she didn't want him to see her breaking down another time. So she simply furrowed her brows out of hurt, and turned around in attempt to leave.

And just before completely walking out, she turned around to look at him another time. "I don't think you understand how much I hate myself right now, how I wish I could change the way I behaved earlier in my room, how I wish I could've stayed by your side instead of walking away from you and pretending I was the only one getting hurt, and... how I wish I wouldn't have blamed everything on your shoulders..." it was so hard to hold back the tears at this point, and she could barely see a thing through her blurred vision. "I'm s-so sorry, Finn, and the thing is... I feel like it's too late, like I can't do anything to make you realize none of this was your fault... and I wish you could believe me when I say that I need you, because it hurts so much, it hurts to see that all of what we've built... everything we had, it's all gone now..." she stifled back a sob, but couldn't manage to suppress a small whimper escaping her lips. "But... I don't wanna give up on you, and do you... do you know why is that?" She asked, sniffling a little before properly locking her eyes in his.

Finn simply looked back at her with teary eyes, his heart aching more than it ever had before. He didn't know what to answer, and couldn't see how all of this could be any true. He broke her heart, after all...

"Because Finn, I..." she paused another time and let her eyes drop to the floor, but quickly brought them back in his eyes. She felt unable to say what she was about to say, even though she knew it was true, she was convinced of that now.