Maybe thinking is never bad. Choosing what,
and how to say it,
never makes it bad.
It makes me feel present, because
I got used to meditating everything.
It makes me feel vulnerable, because
I can never say what I think clearly.
It makes me feel distant, because
I respond for convenience.
It makes me feel lonely, because
I doubt anyone thinks the same.
But I've gotten used to it,
because that makes me who I am.
Here,
in the dark where
I do not have to prove anything,
I'm the one who wholly thinks aloud, even if I only hear my breathing
and the crickets in the window.
I think aloud when I remember you,
I can hear my emotion,
I can feel the pang in my stomach, and I can do nothing but
recreate.
Thinking about you
makes me feel different, because
I do not need to prove anything
that you do not already know.
I do not need to see you
to feel you, although
sometimes I sleep with my hands entwined to know
what it is to have you.
Like seeing the window of the plane, over the clouds,
repeating Please Be Naked,
and just saying: "I'm coming for you" to know what my emotion will be.
It always makes me cry, so
I know I can not think much about it.
But my tears,
far from all rage,
even if this sea separates us,
are full of longing.
Because you are my only desire.
I know you never want anyone
to depend on you,
but this is different.
I do not depend on you,
but I want you so hard,
I'm part of that dream that, better late than never, is.
Sometimes I think,
and I wonder, if you still feel
the heat that does not burn
inside of you, for our love.
I review all your writings
in my memory,
I review your look
and your voice,
I try not to forget you,
to always have you present,
even if you are not with me.
I wonder if
it's worth the rage
for hear a song,
if it's worth blaming the distance
for the pain of still being a ghost.
I wonder, if that's enough.
My answers swim,
and I just squeeze my hands,
because I love you
and would do everything
to reach you, with
the least possible pain.
I want to fulfill,
to finally lie down
and dance all over the house,
to finally break all sadness,
that indirectly,
can cause you.
But I want you to know,
that no nostalgia will be greater
to my pride.
No sadness will be greater
than my longing.
And we have only
a few months left of this long journey.
To embrace you, as we have wanted from the beginning.
I want to make you
happier than you ever were.
So, smile as you remind me,
I'm on my way.
