9th☀

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9th☀


I wasn't able to move. As the seconds roll by, I found myself getting frozen in place. Tick. Tick. Tick. I wasn't even sure if this was real. 

Feeling in denial, I began examining the e-mail to see if it was official. But I knew it was true because I knew Seoul Hospital's official e-mail address. This was all real. No pranks whatsoever. This was real. 

I stumbled back, covering my mouth with my hand as I forced back the tears. With my other hand, I reached for my phone and began composing a message for Wonwoo and Mijoo to read. 

Sarang: something urgent came up. i can't go with you guys today. i'll see you two tomorrow in school. go ahead without me.

Mijoo: oh, okay. we'll see you tomorrow then. if you want to join us later on, we'll be at the ice rink nearby. see ya. 

I didn't have any more strength to reply to her message so I didn't. I leaned back on the swivel chair and forced back the sobs that could escape any second now. But I didn't want to disturb Dad's sleep by being noisy and crying. It was too bad this building didn't have a rooftop so I could quietly cry there.

Holding back as much as I can, I quickly left Dad's office and took the elevator down so I could run out of the bakery in the least obvious way. 

"Oh, hey, Sa—" greeted Hansol, but I left before he could finish saying my name. 

I left Love + Flour and tried to find another place I could cry in. There was no place better than home so I just headed there.

Home was dark. 

Usually, despite the darkness at home, it never really felt dark to me. Because, if Mom was there at home, it wouldn't seem as dark. But now that she was... gone... It definitely felt nothing but dark at home. 

The moment I made it to the living room of the house, I crashed on the big couch located nearest to me and began quietly sobbing and before I knew it, I was wailing out all the pain with tears rolling down from my eyes non-stop. 

It was so obvious on how I would react. Even I predicted it. But the moment I feared has finally came, I'm afraid, and I was lost. What was I supposed to do now? It was as if life had no other meaning anymore. 

I flipped around, the tears rolling down my cheeks, still. I stared at the ceiling, inhaling deep breaths as I tried to calm down but I couldn't. 

I shouldn't have headed back home so early yesterday if I knew today was the day my nightmares become reality. Mom taking all those pills and medication didn't help her at all. I think they did, but they were only able to help her live a little longer. I shouldn't have taken all those times for granted by getting busy with school and friends. I should have spent even more time with her. 

I wanted to see her one last time before I finally accept the fate she has been unfairly given. Before I say goodbye, I want to see Mom's face one last time. 

Mom would be proud of me, I just know it. She's always wanted me to just live the way I've always lived, even if she passes away. I'm going to fulfill her wish and live my life without sadness... at least, that's the plan for now. 

"Excuse me, but is Park Yong-kyun's body, um..." I gulped and stopped my hand from shaking as I continued my question, "...disposed already?"

The lady behind the front desk looked confused for a second before giving me a kind smile. "Disposed? We don't use that term here. We mostly relocate bodies to different rooms, that is, if they don't have a guardian to protest and take them. Some take the bodies of their dead loved ones to the graveyard, and so on. As for Park Yong-kyun's..." The lady began typing on her computer. "Ah, she's still in her ward. It's ward 231. Are you her daughter?"

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