Living With My Bully

Chapter 24

Liam sighed and pulled me into a hug. "Please go away... I just really want to be alone right now..." I whispered and he nodded. "Call or text me whenever." He told me and I nodded. I burried my head in my head ones he left and sobbed quietly. "Why always me?" I whispered to myself. before walking into my bathroom. I took off all of the smudged make-up and ran a bath. I took my small blade and cut my wrists and thighs cryig. The blood stopped running and the bath was now fully filled and I got in. The warm water relaxed me.

Once I was done I dried my body, put on underwear and silently walked towards Harry's room, where I took one of his shirts, since they're extremely comfortable. I walked back to my room and got in bed. I snuggled into the blanket and cried myself to sleep softly.

I woke up with killer headache. I glanced at my clock it was eleven in the morning I sighed and got up. I took some pain killers for my headache and slid on some clothes before walking towards the cemetary.

I sat down in the grass in front of my mothers grave. I placed the flowers on her grave and sighed. It's a good thing this cemetary has grass in stead of a stone path. A tear rolled down my cheek. "Hey mom..." I said softly. "I really miss you, mom..." I spoke. I don't know what I was waiting for. I knew she was dead but a part of me just really hoped I'd wake up and it all was a dream. "At least you're with Mike now..." I whispered. Mike is my older brother. He died in a carcrash. That's when my dad started to abuse me and my mom. He started drinking to ease the pain and the first time he beat me I didn't say anything to my mom because I thought it was because he was drunk. Than it happened when he was sober and I told my mom. Once she knew and told him not to touch me he started to beat the both of us.

"Please tell him I love him and miss him..." I said and a lump in my throat stopped me from talking. Once it was gone I continued. "I wish I was with the both of you..." I sobbed quietly. "I really don't know what to do mom... I really can't handle missing the two of you.." Mike was not only my brother, he was my best friend. He'd protect me and he'd always be nice and funny. We were really close until he died... "I need you." I whispered. "I can't handle not seeing your face, hearing your voice, see your smile... I just can't handle it..." I heard a stick crack and turned around. I didn't see anyone. I layed down in the grass and stared at the sky.

"Is that where you guys are, mom?" I asked. "I hope you're happy... I hope you still think of me.. probably not. No one cares about me..." I whispered. "I hope you're still watching over me." I said and smiled weakly. "I still remember the times you, me, Mile and dad would go to the big grass field and just stare at the clouds..." I smiled at the memory of my family being happy. It seems like being happy is impossible these days. "I love you." I said. "Please don't give up on me, mom... that's what everyone seems to do lately..." I whispered. "Louis seems to hate me... Harry only wants my body... Zayn only gives me dirty looks lately... Niall stopped talking to me... and I think Liam's only being nice to me because he feels sorry for me... I think Michael, Ashton, Calum and Luke also hang out with me because they feel sorry and Justin... Justin doesn't call or text me anymore... we don't hang out anymore..." I was cut off by the lump in my throat. "Why am I such a fuckup mom?" I whipered and heard a stick crack again. I didn't look this time.

"I'm such a wast of space mom... I miss you and Mike more than anything... I need you... I just want to be with you... up there." I said and more tears streamed down my face.

"I just hate my life... Everyone seems to hate me.... and now I get why because now I hate me too." I said. "I'm just done, mom." I whispered.

"Autumn..." I heard a way to fermiliar voice say. I didn't look up but I could here him crying.