AMACon 3: Oikos - Home

Stranger - Chapter Thirteen

'Lo...' she calls out to her grandmother. Both were wandering aimlessly in the garden a week later.

'Yes, Bunso,' comes her Lola's soft whisper from behind.

She puts her hands in her coat pocket as she turns to look at her grandmother. She was stroking one of the roses. 'Why do the good people die first?'

Her Lo breaks the rose from its stem and gives a sad chuckle.

'Haven't you heard the expression, Hon? When you are in a garden,' she points her hand towards it. 'You always pick the flower that is most beautiful.'

She feels her vision getting cloudy as the bitter truth sinks in. Today they had held a small quiet funeral for him. Just the two of them, with him in their hearts. They couldn't get his body.

'I told him you'll kill me when you would find him gone. He said you already knew,' she suddenly began. Something inside her made her feel that they need to talk about him.

'Ah... of course I did Bunso... He never listened and I knew he would convince you to help him. It was obvious but I still had to do my part to stop him.'

'Sometimes...' she sniffs. 'Sometimes I think what would have happened if I hadn't fallen in his trap so easily... He would have... never ...never gotten out of the shed...' she sniffs again.

Lo moves to put her arms around her shoulders.

'Don't blame yourself Bunso.... It wasn't your fault..' she consoles her granddaughter who was once again on the verge of breaking apart. Her heart pained to see her like this. At such a young age, she had experienced such tragic events.

'It was my fault Lo... It is... If I hadn't agreed, Mr. Antonio would never have been suspicious.'

'He always had been Hon.'

'But this time he was sure more than ever... He alerted the authorities... Just... Just for a stupid reward...Lo... I even said goodbye to him when he decided to leave us out of the blue... I... I congratulated him on getting his business up again... I never suspected... It was him all long.'

She finally breaks down, clinging to her grandmother who engulfs her in a tight embrace.

'He didn't even get the chance to leave the neighborhood, Lo... They caught him so quickly....Like...like...they were waiting for him...' Lola hugs her more tightly.

'I told him... I didn't want you to..suffer...' she hiccups, 'You already lost... so many ... he wasn't supposed to..'

'Don't worry about me, Bunso. I have been dreading it ever since I saw him in that room for the first time. It would have only been wishful thinking on my part. He was out to seek revenge. It mostly ends in blood. Either your enemy's or yours.'

She breaks away from the hug and looks at her Lo whose eyes were brimming with unshed tears.

'How long will we have to watch the people around us die, Lo? Why do I feel as if I don't deserve to live anymore?'

'Shssshhh... Bunso... Don't say that.. That's how the world works. Some go on while others remain behind to remember them. This life comes with an expiration date... Just think that their time was up.'

'It still hurts Lo... it still does...' she begins to cry again.

'I cannot promise you that the pain will go away cause it won't,' she comforts her while rubbing her shoulders. 'It will gradually lessen but it will always be there, tugging at your heartstrings. But we can't let it control us...We...We have to learn to move on. To live without them beside us... They wouldn't want us to waste away our life in misery or regret. We'll only be hurting them if we do that.'

She gives a slight nod of her head to tell her she understood. She had learned to carry on living without her parent's shadow above her. It had taken her time, but she had started. Maybe she'll get past this phase too. But how long will it take? And would this be the last? Unanswered questions drift through her mind like the cold winter wind, sending chills down her body. She didn't trouble her Lo with them. Only time would give her the answers, she thinks as clings to her Lo.

'I wish you could be here when Spring blooms. The garden is a sight to see,' Lo says after a while.

'What do you mean Lo? Where am I going?' she asks in a puzzled tone.

Her Lo looks equally puzzled. 'Hon, aren't you going back to your old home?'

She chuckles, 'Who gave you that idea, Lo? Why would I do that?'

'I didn't mean to pry Bunso. But I was cleaning your room the other day and I found a letter. It was from one of your friends back there. She said she was happy to hear that you had booked your ticket...I... I was devastated upon reading it... I really tried hard to make you feel at ease.,. But I guess...'

She crouches in front of her Lola and takes both of her hands in hers. She draws circles on them fondly.

'Lo... I'll admit. When I first arrived, I really did want to leave. I felt out of place. The odd one out. I still hadn't moved on from Mom and Dad's deaths... And adjusting to an entirely new environment, I struggled ...a lot... I can't remember how many times I had cried myself to sleep cause I couldn't take it anymore,' she stops to take a breath as emotions surge through her.

'I knew all of you were trying your best to make me feel at home. But the constant attention I guess made me push you guys more. I don't like being in the spotlight, Lo.

But then I met Faye. And I realized that I should be grateful that I had people looking out for me. I tried to appreciate your efforts. Tried to give this place a chance. But I still didn't feel like I could live the rest of my life here. I missed my friends, my house, the routine I was used to...'

'Hon.. I understand. It's natural.'

'That was the time I sent my friend that letter. I told her how I felt and that I'm thinking I'll just move into a dorm there and visit you on the Holidays. Because despite everything, I wanted to maintain the bond I had developed with you. I had grown fond of you. I didn't want to let go of the only relative that I had from Dad's side.

Then the country began to go into chaos. I had no affinity with it. I wasn't born here. I didn't spend 20 years of my life here. Yet, I began to take interest in it.. The killings and injustice began to bother me... I... I felt bad for the people.

That day... When the rebellion started...You remember I was out with Baste?'

Her Lo nods.

'The events should have scared me Lo. The country wasn't safe anymore. Instead, I had this sudden desire that it should be... I should stay and make it safe... Maybe it was because of meeting Baste, Faye and him... Or maybe I had grown fond of the beautiful landscape. Or of its people... All I know is that when I saw you waiting anxiously outside... I...' she shakes her head, letting out a small laugh.

'I just realized that I wanted to stay... I wanted to be with you.. With Kuya Ryan.. Ms.Jenny. I wanted to help you with running the guesthouse... I wanted to look after Baste...This... This place... It doesn't feel like the unknown anymore... I can...feel a connection...' she looks at her Lo with shimmering eyes.

'I don't want to leave Lo... I don't want it anymore... It's my home...'

The sudden confession makes the duo emotional all over again. While she tries to hold back her tears this time, her Lo's self restraint finally breaks. She begins to shake uncontrollably.

'It's alright Lo,' she assures her old grandmother as she leans her head on her granddaughter's shoulder.

'Hon... Thank you... Tha...nk...you,' she mutters trying to convey the happiness and peace she feels upon hearing her Bunso's decision.

'I'm not leaving you Lo... You are not going to be alone anymore,' she says and envelopes her in an embrace.

She rubs her grandmother's back as the tree catches her eyes. She gives a sad smile. He may have not gotten the chance to get his revenge but at least he escaped from this cruel bitter world. He was once again with his family and strangely it made her happy.

'Wait for me Knucklehead,' she says it silently while looking up the Heavens. 'I still need to get my revenge.'