AMACon 3: Oikos - Home

Agape - Chapter Six

She stands alone inside the columbarium with two baskets of flowers in her hands. She lays the baskets in front of the two urns and lights up the candles she brought with her. She says a short prayer for both of them, and then sits down to do what some might find crazy of her to do; talk to urns.

"Richard, it's been eight months. I don't know how I've lasted this long, but here I am, barely breathing, missing you and Basti badly. I know I should be recovering by now but I just.....can't. Not even for our baby."

She feels the baby shift inside her, almost as though he knew he was being talked about. She caresses her belly lovingly, soothing the life force inside her.

"I don't know if I deserve to be a mother again, Richard. I know God gave me this baby to have a reason to move forward, to live my life again. But it's just not the same without you and Basti....."

Tears come again, as always, the same as every visit she makes here. Ahhhhh Dei, when will you ever move on?

"I'm giving birth any day now, babe. They say it's a boy again. I'm trying my best to psyche myself up, this baby deserves a mother who will love him wholly. To be honest though, I don't know if I will ever be whole again. Not after you both left me."

Slowly, a feeling of calm settles over her. It's the same feeling that comes each time she gets discouraged and lonely. When Richard promised never to leave her alone, she did not believe he could fulfill on his promise to continue taking care of her even after he has gone ahead. But she feels his presence like a warm cloak enveloping her, each time she feels the pain of losing him and Basti.

Like a soft caress, she savors the feeling and allows herself to settle for this. Soon, she promises herself. Richard, I will be with you soon.

-----

The contractions started coming while she was taking a walk just outside Vanataggio. She knew she was giving birth this morning as she woke up, because her back ached, it was a signal that labor pains would start within the day. She took her maternity bag with her as she hailed a cab and headed to the café. Better for her to wait there in case this was a false alarm.

Her back pain started to intensify, prompting her to walk back to Vantaggio and asked one of the crew to call her a cab. Meanwhile, she called her father, who flew in to be with her.

"Hello Dad? It's time. I'm on my way to the hospital, hope to see you there later."

The trip to the hospital was quick, it was actually just a 10-minute walk from Vantaggio. Dei waited for Teddy at the lobby, while already making arrangements for a room. She was finally admitted into a birthing room and taken there in a wheelchair.

Teddy arrived shortly, excited for her birthing. He knew how lonely Dei was in the past months, and thought the baby was a welcome presence to help her cope with the loss of Richard and Basti. But he was alarmed to see Dei's countenance. She looked so pale and sickly, her face bore the traces of hardships borne alone. She had gotten too thin despite the pregnancy, almost as if the baby drained all the nutrients from her body, leaving her with nothing.

"Dei, I'll be praying for a safe delivery. I know the past months have been rough and lonely for you, but please hang in there ok? Daddy is here for you, please, fight for the baby's sake."

"I'll try, daddy. But I'm really feeling weak, the pains are draining me. This pregnancy has been so much more difficult than with Basti."

"I heard pregnancies are like that, Dei. Each one is unique, different even in the intensity of birth pains. Please hang in there, I don't want to lose you too."

Her blood pressure was alarmingly high, her heartbeats fast and erratic. She was given an anesthetic and sedative to relax, so as not to agitate the baby. In the haze of drowsiness resulting from the sedative and pain, she prayed for her baby's health, wanting to give him at least a safe delivery.

"I'm sorry, Alden. Mommy loves you so much but I'm so tired," She said softly, caressing the tightness of her belly. A contraction brought in a fresh wave of pain, Dei gritted her teeth to fight the light-headedness, wanting to stay awake and see her baby.

But the exhaustion and weakness of her body took over. The pain overwhelmed her strength, taking over her whole being, and in the end, she just felt exhausted, barely hanging on. She felt like she was free-falling, feeling the cruel pull of gravity as she groped for something to hold, to stop the momentum of her fall.

Then the fear, anxiety and pain ebbed away, just as the sensation of falling fast suddenly shifted into something else. She felt like she was floating, traveling across another dimension, through a tunnel of light. Her heavy feeling dissipated, replaced by warmth and oddly, love. It was like there was a being that enveloped her in protection and love, guiding her towards the light.

In the birthing room, the cries of a healthy and beautiful baby boy were heard, as doctors and nurses tried to revive Dei.

One. Two Three. Four...........Again.........One. Two Three. Four............

Like a rag doll, her body was still, her face finally serene.

"Time of death.........1:30 PM."