Louis was in the kitchen getting a bottle ready, moving quickly to try and calm the fussy baby.
When Louis walked back towards the living room he stopped dead in his tracks, slipping back into the kitchen he watched Harry around the corner, a small smile on his face.
Harry was sitting in the rocking chair, the small baby in his arms, humming lightly. He looked exhausted, his long hair pulled up into a bun, skin pale, bags under his eyes, but he rocked the baby, humming some soft melody to her under his breath. Despite his resemblance to jolly green giant, Harry cradled the little body carefully in his arms, his pink robe matching with the little pink blanket that was wrapped expertly around the baby. Louis leaned against the doorway and watched Harry, smiling because this was exactly what he wanted in life, right in front of him.
He could truly believe this was his life, Harry rocking their daughter to sleep singing her some lullaby his mother sang to him, pressing a gently kiss to her forehead before standing and putting her down for the night.
And he wanted it so bad, he wished it was his. Sadly, Harry seems to shrug off any mention of having children one day, which Louis couldn't understand because he clearly loved them, seeming to brighten whenever there was a child around. But despite this, I'd Louis mentioned children he would freeze up and seem to deflate.
Louis just couldn't understand it.
When Harry got back, he shook himself out of his stupor and put the bottle in the fridge, knowing it was no longer needed.
"She down?" Louis asks Harry quietly, walking into the living room and weaving his way through the mess of toys and animals. Harry nods and sits down, rubbing his face with his hands, slouched back on the couch. A hand migrated to his stomach of its own accord and Louis sits beside him handing him a mug of tea.
'Thanks love' Harry signs, taking a sip and pulling a blanket around himself.
"Harry, can I ask you something?" Louis asks gently and Harry looks at him, nodding
'Of course' he signs and Louis frowns, holding his mug with both hands
"Do-do you not want kids?" Louis asks, afraid of the answers.
Harry pales and clears his throat, rubbing both hands over his face.
"Because every time I bring having kids up, you seem to steer around it, like there's something you don't want to say" Louis says softly, trying not to set Harry off.
'it's complicated' harry signs, flustered and places his mug down, standing and sweeping past Louis. He leaves the room and heads down the hall, then Louis hears their bedroom door shut.
Louis sighs and looks to the TV. It was 23 minutes to the new year. Most people were out partying, and Harry and Louis were stuck babysitting.
Kaden was 3, he was a chubby little blonde kid with a devilish smile and bright blue eyes. He was the kind of kid that stole your heart in a single glance. His personality matched his smile, because he was a mix between a little angel and pure badness, getting into trouble by feeding the dogs his supper of homemade pizza under the table or stealing something and running away giggling, hoping someone would chase him.
His little sister Emma was, well she was a baby. She was only a month old, so her parents were hesitant to leave her, but with a lot of reassurances from Harry, a threat or two and the promise of a phone call if anything happened, her parents, Brent and Alyson (a cousin of Harry's) finally left, headed off to a New Year's Eve party thrown by Brent's work. She was a beautiful little girl, with darker hair then her brother and the usual newborn blue eyes, she was a petit baby, nothing like how Kaden had been, all round and pudgy. She had woken up after Gemma had called the house, looking for a place to crash. Gemma had come in and stumbled down stairs, one of her friends in tow and both had fallen asleep in a spare room. The commotion had woken her, and Harry had rocked her back to sleep.
They were staying until the next day, when Harry would pack them up and sent them back home. Thinking of this, Louis got down on the floor and began to clean up the mess of toys scattered all across the living room, putting the pieces back together and putting them into whatever bag they belonged in, stowing them in a cupboard so Zorra didn't try and claim them as hers.
Louis sighed. He felt bad, he didn't mean to make Harry upset. He gets up off the couch and heads back to the bedroom. He knocks on the door lightly
"Harry?" He calls gently "are you okay love? I didn't mean to upset you" he says and when hearing nothing but silence he sighs
"Please come out Harry" Louis says softly. After a few moments he sighs and starts to walk away, but the door opens behind him and Harry walks out, grabbing his hand sheepishly.
'Sorry I ran off' he signs and Louis smiles
"I'm sorry I pushed you" Louis says and Harry smiles, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.
Harry and Louis reach the couch and sit down just as the clock begins to count down from 10. Harry signs and Louis speaks quietly, counting down until the crowd cheers and Louis pulls Harry's face to his own.
The next morning Harry wishes he had gone to bed when he put Emma down. He was exhausted as he spooned eggs down beside Kadens eggo waffle, dropping the hot pan back onto the stove and picking up the bottle. He took Emma from Louis, who was walking out the hall with her, and sat back in the rocking chair, poking the nipple of the bottle through her tiny pink lips. It was 7 in the morning and both kids had awoken at day light, hungry and bored.
Harry nearly fell asleep feeding Emma, so when Brent and Alyson came to pick the kids up, Harry and Louis both collapsed back into bed.
It was only the next day when the fight about kids resumed, this time it seemed escalated. It was snowing heavily outside and the power had gone out hours ago, so Louis and Harry were left with nothing but the phone battery's they had and books. Harry was sitting on the couch reading when Louis started.
"Harry, please don't bolt this time, i just need to understand, if you don't want to have kids, why?" He asks and Harry takes a deep breath
"You can tell me Harry, you know that, if you don't want to have kids just tell me, I won't be mad at you" Louis pushes and harry sighs
'It's not that I don't want kids Louis'
"Then why do you keep pushing the subject every time I bring it up, Harry please help me understand" Louis pleads and Harry's face is stone, emotionless and blank.
'I-I can't-not again' he signs and goes to leave, walking bristly towards the kitchen, Louis gets up though, and grabs his arms, spinning him back around so he faced Louis
"What do you mean not again?" Louis asks in a tone that was hard to place
'I-I can't' Harry signs trying to break free of Louis tight grip.
"Harry! Please give me a good reason why we can't have kids one day, it doesn't have to be now, it could be years from now" Louis says and Harry struggles, thinking it was too late to say they would wait.
'Please let me go' Harry signs, still struggling, the way Louis voice was rising scared him, and he didn't like this. Sparrow was growling, waiting for Harry to tell her to act, or for Louis to make a wrong move.
"Harry, saying you can't without an explanation isn't a valid reason to not have kids!" Louis shouts and Harry breaks away, but Louis blocks the exit, making Harry turn away and wrap his arms around himself. Louis continues to shout, making Harry quiver, biting his lip and crying silently until he can't hold it in anymore
"Give me a reason!" Louis yells
"I lost her okay!" Harry screams Loudly, his voice carrying through the small room, drowning out Louis.
"In the attack, I lost my baby" Harry whispers, but Louis hears every single word. Louis face takes on a look that combined outrage for Harry, apology for what he had said, realization on why Harry acted weird when Louis brought up children, and outright shock all in one, both from what Harry told him, and the fact that Harry had spoken, really truly spoken. Using Louis stupor to hurry past him, Harry grabs his keys and runs out into the snow.
