He, Zhe, They: Agender Diary

Yay (I think) also little rant

I'm happy.

Okay so mini story. D💁🏽 knew I was trans, but she didn't know what I was, so to speak.

A few days ago we were FaceTime-ing and the way she asked annoyed me but she meant it differently.

She said "Angel are you going trans?".

I was annoyed but I knew what she meant. I answered yes but then she asked me another question that annoyed me because she said it the wrong way.

"I know you're trans but you've been trans for four months now. But why is your hair still long and your tits are still bigger than mine are?"

We did that for like five minutes and then she asked my pronouns.

I only said he/him and they/them because I assumed she didn't know what zhe was.

But yay *mini celebration 🎉* now she'll try to at least call me "he" and that's  good enough for one person.

Okay rant time

Okay so R💅🏻 along with a lot of other people have been annoying me. Mostly R💅🏻.

So she hasn't been annoying me as much lately, but I'll talk about when she was.

Okay, so I went to her birthday party last week and I met some of her old friends. (They were very nice btw) But me and her have this sense of humor where she knows that I don't get offended so she pretty much says whatever she wants.

So like I'm always making sexual jokes because that's my humor mostly and she's laughs at them because we have the same sense of humor. But every once in a while she'll be like "hell no you gay" and I don't really care honestly but when she talks to her friends she calls me gay.

She doesn't call me bisexual even though she knows. She only calls me bi when she's with some friends. I should probably care more than I do, but I don't. It's just annoying.

It's about R💅🏻 again. So R💅🏻's parents are divorced so whenever she is with each parent her style changes (when she's with her dad she's very boyish and stuff when she's with her mom she looks and acts like a pageant girl)

And the thing is, I've seen the real her but she's in a constant identity crisis it seems like so I can't tell what's really her.

She usually acts just like me, but sometimes she'll act more girly and criticize every masculine thing that I do. Sometimes she'll ignore me for like a good hour and act like she's too cool for everyone and be like "sorry I'm being mean, I'm officially a goth/emo/whatever-the-fuck-I-am" when in reality it's just all black and shitty eyeliner. She even admitted to cutting herself for attention when she was "emo". Then the next week she'll be like  "oh that was just a phase I'm back to normal" and then the next month she'll do the same shit again.

Also she thinks that sexuality is a choice. She'll say that she is bisexual just because she thought a girl was pretty and then tell everyone she knows and then at the end of the day she is like "so Angel (oh god the deadname...even though I honestly don't mind that nickname) I'm officially bisexual and I like girls now". I support her because that's the least I can do. Then not even three days later she'll be like "it turns out that bisexuality thing was a phase. I'm completely straight and I hate girls and everything they do (usually in one of her little emo phases)"

I'm not mad. It's just that she thinks it's a choice. Also I'm kinda salty that for me to figure out and except my sexuality took me almost 2 freaking  years, while she chose her sexuality in like 2 hours 😒

Am I making too big a deal out of this?

I hope not...

Also my came out as bi to my friend (I'll call him JM👏🏾) last year right? He reacted better than I expected because he is an asshole and he hates gay people, but his reaction still annoyed me.

I didn't come out to him either, my friend (I'll call her G👸🏽) outed me (thanks G👸🏽 😒).

He said that he doesn't like gay people, but he thinks lesbians (even though I'm not a lesbo ya dickhead) are hot. In case you didn't understand, he only accepts me and my group of gay/bi/pan friends because if we wanted to we could give him a "show". (You know what kind I'm talking about)

JM👋🏾, you're my best friend, I know, but you are a hypocrite and a dick to your friends.

Man, I thought I was a dick.

I was so wrong.

Also school, I'm staying home from today because I love my friends, but I don't wanna deal with those clowns. (Thanks mom. Also my mom let me play hooky today because she didn't want to go to work either)

Ha ha.

Happy new year, everyone!

-H.H.