He, Zhe, They: Agender Diary

The Best and Worst Couple of Days

Yesterday was one bad day.

Not everything was bad, just the stuff I remember.

Okay first, you saw my last entry was at like 6 in the morning, right? Okay so I couldn't go back to sleep so I stayed up and was thinking.

I made the mistake of thinking about my mother dying.

For those of you that don't know, my parents are divorced and I live with just my mom. That idiot (I don't want to call him that, but it's true though) I have to call my dad is probably living in poverty because he gambled away all his money. So I only have my mother now.

I thought about her dying, I imagined being in the hospital with her and watching her die. I started crying. I spent ten minutes rocking back and forth clutching my teddy bear and bawling my eyes out of my head.

Then once I finally calmed down, I got dysphoria. What the hell?! I never get dysphoria....

I thought about like not being accepted and being alone cause everyone left me...(I have abandonment issues if you couldn't already tell that) and then I cried again.

After I stopped I went into my moms room and I hugged her for like 5 minutes being getting ready for school.

Okay so we're done with the bad day.

Let's get to today.

Okay so today was a normal day until I remembered that my has a GSA thing on Tuesdays. I had been wanting to go, but I kept forgetting to, so I went today.

I felt awkward....and then I felt safe.

It was hosted by my favorite counselor at school. She's very nice. Her son is gay and her child is nonbinary and likes women. She has tattoos and I feel safe around her.

There's was this guy from North High School who's friends with this cool eighth grade girl who goes to the club.

He talked to us about his journey of his very Christian parents and unaccepting church and him being gay. I almost cried during it.

I came out to the counselor after the meeting. She fully accepted me for who I was and she hugged me afterwards. I love her so much (and I feel bad for not remembering her name. Oops...)

I finally feel like I have a safe place, but now I'm sad because we don't have the club next week😢

But I'm glad I did that. I feel so relaxed and free now. I haven't felt this happy in a while....

I can't wait for the next meeting😋

Later,

-Hayden the Proud Agender Bisexual