He, Zhe, They: Agender Diary

Gender Tag Stuff

I saw this on some other diaries/rant books so I thought, eh, fuck it. I've got nothing to lose.

1). How do you self identify your gender, and what does that definition mean to you?

I identify as agender, and the actual definition is "the feeling of having no gender" or "feeling genderless" and that's what I feel, and also because I feel like I can't be described by and gender, so I have none.

2). What pronouns honor you?

I use gender neutral pronouns like zhe/zir and they/them (even though I use they/them more often because I don't feel like explaining other pronouns to people because I don't like dealing with their shit) but I also use male pronouns because I prefer to look like a boy over a girl.

3). Describe the clothing that you wear most often.

Most of the time I wear male and unisex clothing. I do own some feminine things (thanks mom) but I don't wear them that often, which makes my mom annoyed. I wear sweats a lot, along with video game T-shirts, but sometimes I let the "emo" out and wear blacks skinny jeans, black converse, and some random T-shirt that's usually for a band that I got from Hot Topic. Every once and I while (usually on Halloween) I'll dress like a Fuckboi for a change. I wear I lot of nerdy things like bracelets/wrist bands, dog tags, snap backs, shirts for anime (SAO, Death Note, Black Butler, etc), and Harry Potter, and random FNAF and Avengers things.

4). Talk about your choices with body hair. How do you style your hair? Do you have facial hair? What do you choose to shave and not shave?

My choices with body hair are different than most girls I go to school with. I don't really style my hair that often and if I do it will be a lazy ponytail or a bun that looks like crap, but usually I just wear a hat.

Since I am biologically female, I do not have any facial hair. I have a mustache and sideburns that you can barely see unless you actually look at me, but that's about it. Sometimes when I feel more male, I wish I could grow a beard.

I don't really shave that often. Whenever I tell girls that they look at me like I'm not of this Earth or whatever. (I swear to God they make this exact face: 😱) I don't shave anything except my armpits and I only shave like once every couple of months. R💅🏻 keeps telling me I should shave my legs, but that'll never happen.

5). Talk about cosmetics. Do you wear makeup? Do you paint your nails? What type of soaps and perfumes do you use?

I hate wearing makeup. I don't really wear it unless it's for Halloween or something. It makes me feel girly, it looks bad, and I just don't really like shit on my face. (There's a joke there that I'm not gonna make😝.)

I do paint my nails, just not that often. I have a manicure right now actually, though I probably take it of in a couple of days. I always do my own nails so I can cut them down to the nub (which makes my mom pissed) and do two colors at most. I don't get acrylics because I think they're ugly on me.

Most of the soups that I use are scented of either fruit or something that reminds me of being outside. I own two perfumes that I only wear every once in a while, but I want to get some cologne, badly. (I don't think there's a single boy that walks around wearing peach scented perfume 😂 except probably I🤴🏾)

6). Do you experience being misgendered? If so, how often?

Every. Damn. Day. I'm not out to anyone except D💁🏽 and I🤴🏾and I barely see them anyway because our schedules are so different. Everyone who knows me calls me "she" because they don't know any better.

7). Do you experience dysphoria? How does that affect you?

Not really. I don't experience it that often but when I do, it hits me like a train. When I feel agender, I wish I had a flatter chest and shorter hair (my bra size is freaking "C" and my hair is so long I can sit on it😔) and when I feel male I wish I had a bulge sometimes. I already have a pretty low voice so that doesn't effect me (although I have been told that even though my voice is deep, I still have a feminine edge to it so I sound like a gay guy😂) that much.

8). Talk about children. Are you interested in having children? Would you want carry a child if that were an option for you? Do you want to be the primary caretaker for any children you may have?

I like children a lot but I don't think I could have one. When I'm an adult my mind might change but I don't think I could have a child because I suck at teaching people my age things. If I can't do that, how am I gonna teach a baby?

It's complicated. I would want to carry a child, but I wouldn't want to give birth because even though my pain tolerance is pretty high, I still don't like pain. I would probably just adopt a kid (if I even decide to have one).

I would want to raise my child with the person that I'm dating/married to. I know that my mom raised me by herself for most of my life, but that doesn't sound easy or fun to me.

9). Talk about money. Is it important for you to provide for your family financially if you choose to have one? Is it important for you to earn more money than any partner you may have? Do you prefer to pay for things like dates? Are you uncomfortable when others pay for you or offer to pay for you?

It is important for me to actually make money for my family and not just mooch off my partner/spouse. I don't have to make more than them (although I do like getting that money 💰💸💵💸💵), I just have to make money.

I'm not uncomfortable when people pay for things for me, I just feel bad that I can't pay and I would prefer to split the cost and pay for half (although usually I can't because I'm a broke teenager with no job).

10). Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?

No one else knows who you are except you. No one else can choose how you dress and act and present yourself except you. It may take you a while to figure out who you are (it took me like 4 freaking years) but that's okay. The important thing is that you find yourself. I know you will. (Sorry if it sounds like cheesy crap I'm not good at being inspirational).

-Dark the Inspirational Agender out