He, Zhe, They: Agender Diary

*sigh* Another damn day...

Have you ever wanted to shout something out from a rooftop, but never did because you knew it would cause more trouble than you wanted?

That's how I feel...

Do any of you ever feel like everyone is after you, and that you can't trust anyone no matter who they are?

That's me everyday...

I bet no one has the same fears that I do.

You're lucky.

Why does it feel like I'm running out of time, like the walls are closing in, like I can't escape this hell?

Why does this have to hurt so bad?

What did I ever do?

It may seem like I'm fine on the outside, but I still have issues.

"Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that motherfucker's reflection." -Lady GaGa

My trust broke a while ago.

I could've come out so many times, and God do I want to, but I'm scared. I've been hurt before, I don't want to be hurt again.

Why do I have to be so fuckin paranoid?

I don't trust anyone....

But I came out to one person, my friend E✌🏻, he reacted better than I thought he would, so that's good.

R💅🏻 keeps asking me what's wrong, she keeps asking me why I'm so quiet. I don't want to tell her, but I might have to.

I don't know what to do...I can't tell my mom, I can't tell my friends, I can't tell a teacher at school...

I could tell my brother, J🙎🏾‍♂️... but he's in Arlington, miles away.

Only he will understand my struggle. He's trans too. He came out as FTM when I was in fourth grade. I love him, I support him, I never stop.

My mom is a supportive woman, she'll understand, but I don't want to tell her now...

My brother came out when he was 22, I'm coming out at 13...what if she doesn't believe me?

This would be easier if I had a counselor.

I'm gonna go drink some water and clear my head...

I'll see you later.

-H.