He, Zhe, They: Agender Diary

Idk what to put as this title

Merry early Christmas everyone. I'm not dead.

I'm an atheist (agnostic so not really) but I love Christmas still. Then again, most of my atheist friends still celebrate Christmas because they love it.

But anyway, that's not what this is about.

My 14th birthday is coming soon. That's my coming out date. Plus that also means that I have to pick a high school soon (ugh...school)

I'm scared to come out, but most people are.

I'm gonna say some accomplishments, even tho you don't care. (I don't care if you don't, I don't care if you don't, I don't care if you don't care)

•I used the men's room at raising canes

•I used the men's room at chipotle
—I put up my hood and sprinted in, used the bathroom quickly, and covered my face, looking around to make sure no one was outside, then bolted the fuck out

•I used the men's bathroom at cow tipping creamery
—I started to walk in but there was already a guy in there so I hid in the women's room until he was gone. I walked out and walked in, there was another guy in there, so I ran and hid in the women's room, again. I had to piss and take a shit really bad, so I took a piss in the women's, then took a quick shit in the men's and bolted out. (Tmi lol)

•used the bathroom at chipotle again. I noticed that I go there a lot because they have one person stalls and I'm not scared. But they had no soap so I had to wash my hands with hand sanitizer. Rip..

Also sorry I haven't been as active. I've been having a lot of stuff go wrong with me. Stress (I think I have a stress disorder or something), dysphoria (I don't get dysphoria that much, but when I do, it sucks), and just depression (I don't think it's depression, but it's some other thing I don't have a word for)

I think I'm okay, I think I'll be alright (famous last words...lol). I've been trying to hurt myself less, even tho it's hard not to in cases like mine. Most people have a set reason why they do it, I don't have a set reason, it just kinda ends that way.

This is not me condoning self harm. It's an awful thing and I wish that it didn't exist (just like trump being president but that's not what this is about). I'm just sharing parts of my experience. I did it again today, but luckily I stopped myself before it got too horrible. Self control is my best friend.

Anyways, it's really late and I should get to bed. It's almost 11:30 pm and I should be asleep but oh well whatever.

Eat drink and don't hurt yourselves because you're worthy and I love you (I stole that from Kovu Is A Unicorn. Subscribe to him on YouTube because he's great)

Byesies

—Festive Slightly Suicidal Hayden