He, Zhe, They: Agender Diary

Big News and Shit

(September 19 2017)

I know that i haven't updated in a while. I'm sorry. I've been busy and i don't have access to my phone. I'm writing this on my computer right now.

I recently got another haircut. My brother actually did it and it looks really good. I got it done for picture day. My mom was pissed when she saw the pictures because they SUCKED. The lighting is off and the color is weird and the picture itself is blurry (plus my photographer was annoying as shit so you can see in the picture i was annoyed. Can't show you but trust me it sucks balls.

But anyways that's not what this is about. My brothers surgery went smoothly and he's perfectly fine now that the healing process is done (if you want to know, he got a hysterectomy)and he's better than ever.

Also right before school started, me and my bro went school shopping and two different places (rue 21 and pac sun) and got a bunch of clothes, including, yes you guessed it, men's pants! I'm literally so happy like you have no fucking idea.

I've been in 8th grade for almost four weeks now and it's been okay. My mom is putting a lot of pressure on me to get straight A's like always. I always do, but she wants to make sure I don't stop caring about school (*sigh/*). Last week it was too much for me, mostly because of the stress, along personal problems involving mental health and the fact that it was that time of the month. It was the first time I had cried in about a month. It got so bad I almost slit my wrists in the shower, but i convinced myself not to. My mom must've heard me crying because she came in my room and comforted my for like 20 minutes. She said, "If you need someone to talk to, you can talk to me or one of your siblings. Believe it or not, your sister actually does really love you." I love my mom. Sometimes I can't live with her, but I can never live without her.

But aside from depressing stuff, I'm gonna come out on my birthday. I saved up enough money to buy two chest binders and I'm gonna buy them myself. Also on that day, I'm going to officially start a YouTube channel. Talking about lgbt stuff, skits, etc. It's gonna be fun. I've been obsessed with trans youtubers lately. (I currently have a big gay crush on Chase Ross aka UpperCaseCHASE1)

Also in today's news, I used the MEN'S ROOM. It was at Raising Cane's when I got food with my mom. When you go to the bathroom they have a door that you pull open to get to the hallway, then in the hallway they have the men's and women's bathroom. I usually go to the GN (gender neutral) bathroom but they had none. So there I stood in the hall contemplating which one to go to. Seems dumb but I don't pass yet sooo.... I gathered my courage to go to the Men's room, but when walked in there was someone in the only stall they had so i did what every trans guy who doesn't pass does: I ran and hid in the women's room until the dude was finished (Thank god there was no one in there.) Once he was out, I ran in with my head down, took a piss, washed my hands and ran back out. I was so happy afterwards (and the chicken was good too.)

(September 20 2017)

Today I wore a nice sweater (it has a skull and roses on the front and it's cute as fuck), but I forgot that it was a women's sweater so it was really short and I had to pull it down every two seconds (not to mention the whole trans guy thing of pulling your shirt off your chest lmao). I looked so emo in that sweater like I'm not okay I'm not o-fucking-kay.

I was wrong about the chest binder thing; I'm going to buy three chest binders (2 from underworks 1 from somewhere else. Maybe t kingdom but idk).

Also My friend Tristan (aka one of the only people I came out to) has started calling me he and referring to me as a boy. Also me and him are those people who act like we hate each other but were like best friends. So he'll be like "hey gaywad" and I'll be like "hey asshat" and push his head down and he'll be like "whoa I'm not gay are you trying to make me suck your dick." Basically like YouTube hate comments, but he's honestly one the best friends I have and I trust him with my secrets. I also to have a crush on him but that's another story.

Anyways, this was just a short little entry.

Expect more soon.

Peace!

--Hayden, 13 year old boy (god it's good to say th